The Large Creepy Haunted House
by Kusabi Makabe
Summary: The Smashers are trapped in a house, and one of them is a psycho killer. But who is it? And who will win the Chocolate Statue? More details inside.
1. Another Contest

Disclaimer:

I, KusabiMakabe, do not own Super Smash Brothers, Super Smash Brothers Melee, or the characters and maps therein. I also do not own the respective games of the characters. Basically, Nintendo owns just about everything in this story…except the Large Creepy Haunted House.

* * *

"GUYS! I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT!" Crazy Hand shouted into the dining room, where everyone was seated.

"Uh…duh." Ness replied. "You told us that thirty minutes ago over the intercom."

"RIGHT YOU ARE NESS!" Crazy Hand continued. "MY ANNOUNCEMENT IS…THAT I HAVE SIGNED YOU ALL UP FOR A CONTEST!"

They all clutched their foreheads, except for those too fat and/or round to do so.

"_Again?_" Samus sighed. "What about the last one, where you had us all put on an island and had us build boats to float back here?"

"Or the one where you locked us in the graveyard in Threed and saw who could break the locked door open first?" Fox continued.

"RIGHT! THOSE WERE FUN, WEREN'T THEY?"

The Smashers sighed as one.

"FOR THIS COMPETITION, YOU WILL BE LOCKED IN A LARGE, CREEPY, HAUNTED HOUSE FOR TWENTY-FOUR WEEKS…"

Several mouths fell open, Kirby's jaw hitting the floor.

"ONE OF YOU WILL BE DESIGNATED THE PSYCHO KILLER. THE PSYCHO KILLER MUST KILL ONE PARTICIPANT EVERY WEEK UNTIL THE FINAL WEEK. IF THE PSYCHO KILLER LASTS THE ENTIRE TIME WITHOUT BEING CAUGHT, HE OR SHE WILL WIN. IF SOMEONE DISCOVERS THE KILLER'S IDENTITY, THEY WILL WIN. SOUNDS FUN, RIGHT!"

Marth's eyes narrowed. "Where will we be brought when we 'die'?" he asked.

"YOU WILL BE TRANSPORTED BACK HERE, TO THE SMASH MANOR!" Crazy Hand yelled.

"What's the prize?" Link inquired. "Five hundred rupees?"

"THE WINNER WILL HAVE A GIANT SCULPTURE OF THEMSELVES BUILT IN FRONT OF THE SMASH MANOR!"

Everyone's eyes began to mist over at the idea of eternal glory in the form of a statue. Crazy Hand decided to withhold the facts that the statue would be made of chocolate and would melt very quickly.

They all got up and immediately rushed over to Crazy Hand. "I'm ready!" they all screamed at once.

Master Hand then flicked them one by one through the skylight and to the Large Creepy Haunted House. He then appeared next to them.

"Okay," Master Hand addressed them, "So…I will take each of you into aside and tell you if you are or are not the Psycho Killer. Of course, the Psycho Killer cannot tell anyone that they are the Psycho Killer, because the idea is not to get caught. And stuff. Okay, so if you'll just come with me…

"And to think that five minutes ago I was eating cookies…" Kirby sighed.

* * *

Together they entered the Large Creepy Haunted House, or LCHH. It more or less lived up to it's name – everything was dusty and covered in cobwebs, the furniture was old and dingy, and the windows seemed to let in very little light.

"You will each share a room with one other person, except for the girls who will all share a room," Master Hand explained. "The pairs are…

"Mario and Doctor Mario…"

"Captain Falcon and Ganondorf…"

"Link and Young Link…"

"Fox and Falco…"

"Pikachu and Pichu…"

"Marth and Roy…"

"Mr. Game and Watch and Bowser…"

"Luigi and Ness…"

"The Ice Climbers and Mewtwo…"

"Jigglypuff and Kirby…"

"And Yoshi and DK."

"Your personal effects will be delivered here in one hour. Please, enjoy your stay at the Large Creepy Haunted House, and remember – you are being watched, there is no danger to yourself or any others, blah, blah, blah…and, if you start wanting to leave," he amended, "don't forget that you'll be giving up your chance for a statue…"

They all got that misty look over their eyes again. Master Hand quietly slipped out of the house, locking the double doors behind him.

* * *

"So…here we are," Marth stated.

They sat in the dining room, which was as large and grand as their old one back at the Smash Manor. In fact, it was basically a dirty version of the Manor, but Peach and Kirby had gone on a cleaning spree, and now everything was exactly the same. The only real difference was the bedroom – they now had to share, much to the dismay of Ganondorf, who was paired with Captain Falcon.

Pikachu looked around nervously at the other Smashers. "Pika?" he asked.

"He wants to know if he can leave and go play Pokemon Stadium," Mewtwo translated.

"Go ahead," Zelda murmured, waving her arm in the general direction of Pikachu's room. He smiled and let out a huge burst of electricity that proceeded to fry Yoshi. He then skipped off while Yoshi chased after him, occasionally stopping to throw an egg.

After a minute of complete silence, they all decided to go to bed.

The next day, things got interesting…

* * *

Okay. So that was Chapter One. Sorry if it was a bit fast, but I needed to introduce the concept. Who _is_ the Psycho Killer? Will Yoshi ever kill Pikachu? Will the girls get into a pillow fight? All of this answered…LATER! It should get funnier then…And yes, people will get kicked out as the story progresses. I'll try to do a week per chapter, but maybe not…Reviews are very much appreciated. XD 


	2. Whipped Cream!

Peach had a plan. A devious plan.

"A MARVELOUS PLAN!" she shouted. Fortunately, no one was around to hear her. She blushed at her schizophrenic moment and then continued forward to Bowser and GW's room.

She approached the door and rapped on it three times. She heard what sounded like grumbling from the other side, and then shuffling. When the door opened…

"Whuh?" Bowser said stupidly.

"Hello, Bowser," she said, putting on her beauty pageant smile. "May I come in?"

Bowser blinked a few times and then finally registered what was happening. Princess Peach wanted to _visit_ him! He hopped away from the door and let her inside.

"Whatcha need?" he asked, hoping that he didn't sound crude in front of the princess (which of course he did…)

"Oh, I was just wondering…how would you like to help me decorate the house…"

Bowser' face sank.

"with whipped cream?"

and then lit like a neon sign. "That would be great!" he yelled happily. "I love vandalism!"

Peach continued smiling at him. "I think it might be a fun little trick to play on everybody. You know, increase the mayhem around here. Which, I might add, is nonexistent…"

"You got that right!" Bowser shouted. "Where's the cream?"

Peach raised her eyebrows and giggled. "In the pantry, Bowser! Where else would it be?"

Bowser let out a little smoke from his nostrils.

"When?" he asked.

* * *

Young Link also had a plan. Unlike Peach's, however, it was not brilliant. He, Young Link, was going to steal the Master Sword from Adult Link! He sat on his bed and drummed his fingers together in an evil manner.

"What are you doing?" Link asked from the other end of the room. He was trying to play Sudoku, but his younger self was acting to strangely for him to concentrate.

"I'm concocting an evil plan!" Young Link shouted gleefully. "Now leave me alone."

Link rolled his eyes and went back to his game. After a few minutes, he stood up and stretched. "I think I'm going to go visit Zelda," he yawned. "Good luck with your idiot plan."

"Yessss…" Young Link hissed.

Link rolled his eyes and stepped out of the room.

* * *

"YOSHI!" Yoshi shouted in triumph. He had finally, finally, _finally_ caught that stupid rodent ad turned him into a rotten egg! Ah, what glory! He skipped away from the area, occasionally kicking his legs repeatedly in midair.

Five seconds later, Pikachu broke out of the shell. "Pika…PIKA!" he screamed. Which, roughly translated is… "Jerk…THERE WILL BE VENGEANCE!" He then let out electricity from his mouth and scampered off to meet with Pichu.

* * *

The next morning, Ganondorf got out of bed, changed from his white squirrel pajamas into his standard outfit, and then wandered into the dining room. Since he was half-asleep, he didn't notice anything wrong until he tripped over a stray oxygen molecule and fell into…

"What the…" he tried to say. However, it came out more like "Whtha…" because _his mouth was full of whipped cream_! He started to get incredibly angry, but then his taste buds activated and he let out a deep, blissful sigh.

"Aaahhhhh…"

He waded through the dining room and found their stores of pop-tarts. As he sat down, he noticed his roommate entering the room.

""Morning, Ganondorf," the captain muttered with a smug expression on his face.

"Yeah," Ganondorf replied. He then turned into Ganon and brandished his two blades.

Falcon paled and made a squeaking noise.

"That's enough, boys," Samus said, entering the room wearing her Phazon Suit. Behind her were the Ice Climbers, who began playing in the whipped cream, thinking it was snow.

"Hey, why do they count as one person, anyway?" Captain Falcon grumbled. Ganondorf reverted to his human form and began eating.

"Because they count as one when we go Smashing, fool," Samus sighed. "And don't talk to me."

Captain Falcon placed his smug expression back on his face and then left to find his usual breakfast grape.

Ness then entered. "Hey, have you seen my bat?" he asked. "I can't find it anywhere, and Luigi hasn't seen it anywhere."

"That's a-right!" Luigi said, trailing in behind his roommate.

"Well, I haven't," Samus responded. "You might ask Young Link, though. I heard Link telling Zelda that his younger self is plotting something devious."

At this point Dr. Mario and Mario entered the room. Like usual, they were arguing about their split identities.

"I'm the real Mario!" Dr. Mario said.

"I'm-a the real –Mario!" Mario yelled.

"I have a high-paying job!" Dr. Mario shouted.

"I have a real-a franchise!" Mario retorted. The two then began to beat the coins out of each other and go on mad scrambles to collect them.

"Ugh…do I have to play babysitter to everyone?" Samus sighed. "AND GET OUT OF THE WHIPPED CREAM!" she shouted to the Ice Climbers, who were burrowing tunnels under it.

Peach and Bowser then entered the room while The Phantom of the Opera played in the background.

"Huh?" Peach looked up at the ceiling. "What's going on?"

"Whoops, wrong CD." Master Hand's voice boomed over the intercom. The music then switched to This Love by Maroon 5.

"Stop it!" Bowser shouted. Master Hand pressed the intercom button again and laughed maniacally.

"I don't like this song," Captain Falcon said as he reentered the room.

"Stop complaining!" Samus shouted.

Ganondorf quickly scarfed the rest of his pop-tart and hurried out of the room, hoping that he could somehow escape his idiot roommate. Samus quickly followed, hoping to escape said idiot. Captain Falcon raised his fist after them, then turned to the Ice Climbers and attempted a Falcon Kick. Unfortunately for him, they managed to hide in their tunnel, and his kick was burned out by the whipped cream.

Peach turned to Bowser and winked at him. Bowser fainted.

After a minute of general mayhem, Ness left the room to find his bat. As he left, Pichu stormed in (no pun intended).

"Pi?" he asked. When no one responded, he decided to eat the whipped cream on the floor.

* * *

Jigglypuff sat in her room, practicing her singing and making a general ruckus. Kirby tried desperately to stay awake, but he just…couldn't…Occasionally Jigglypuff would wander over and slap him, but he would merely fall asleep again at her next song.

"Jiggly…puff…Jigglypuff…JIGGLY…puuuuuufffff…" she sang into the mirror. Kirby snorted.

Suddenly the door flew open and a hurricane-like wind entered the room! Jigglypuff turned and glared, but no one stood in the doorway. She stomped over to the door and poked her head outside…

There was a brief sound of something being cut. Jigglypuff looked up and…

"Jiggle-" she began, but her words were cut off as the ceiling lamp fell on her. Her body disappeared in a cloud of smoke.

* * *

(1 down, 23 to go.)

* * *

When Jigglypuff awoke, she was in a bizarre little factory. There was a whole lot of chocolate…

"Welcome, Jigglypuff," a voice said. She turned around, and was greeted by a female wire frame.

"Jiggly?" she asked.

"This is the Magical Food Processing Place. We make the food that you eat. We also make the chocolate that the statue is going to be made out of…"

Jigglypuff glared at her companion. No one had said anything about the statue being made out of chocolate…

"So, anyway, as your punishment for losing, you get to be our slave until the competition is over! You have to work form 9 a.m. to midnight making the chocolate for the statue. Bye!" The wire frame ran away before the enraged Pokemon could put her to sleep and then Rest.

Jigglypuff snorted, and then turned and began eating the chocolate.

* * *

So that was the first _true_ chapter! I basically decided not to have them really die because that would deviate from SSBM rules. Which I now realize was incredibly stupid, but oh well. I have a surprise, though, if you can wait 'til the end for it... :P 


	3. One Freaky Banana

Link sat and watched as his two fellow swordsmen dueled each other. Of the two, he honestly felt that Roy was better – he was stronger and more willing to fight.

Young Link sat and stared dreamily at the two warriors fighting. _I can't wait until I get my hands on the Master Sword…and then I will be able to PWN THEM ALL!_

"Mwahahahaha!" he laughed. His older form rolled his eyes and toppled his chair over. Young Link then ran out of the room so he could continue concocting his evil plan.

"Where's that idiot off to this time?" Marth asked.

"Who cares?" Link responded.

The two of them continued dueling until, once again, they were both too exhausted to continue.

Roy staggered over to a chair near Link. "Luigi told me that the kid stole Ness' bat," he panted.

"Wouldn't put it past him," Link muttered.

Marth then collapsed in the chair next to Roy. "So what'd you make of Jigglypuff?"

By now, they had all witnessed the scene of Jigglypuff's "murder". So far, no one had any idea what to think – pretty much anyone could have dropped a chandelier on the puffball. Apparently, Kirby was the only Smasher nearby, and he had been put asleep by her singing. Apparently.

"I think it was Sh-" Roy began. Link then pulled out his Master Sword and smacked Roy with it. He fell to the floor in an unconscious daze. "No one blames the girlfriend!" Link shouted.

Marth snorted. "I think it was Kirby," he said. "Perhaps he had inhaled something and then spat it out at the rope holding the chandelier."

"That's _right_, you do!" Link yelled. He then stomped out of the room while Marth rolled his eyes.

As he rounded the corner, he tripped over Pichu.

"PI! PI!"

Mewtwo rounded the corner. "He wants to know if you've seen Yoshi," the PokeGod murmured. "And while we're on the subject of missing people, have you seen Mr. Game and Watch?"

Link pointed down the hall. "GW's down there," he said. "I don't know where Yoshi is, though."

Pichu began to throw a fit on the floor. Mewtwo floated off down the hall, while Link pointed and laughed at the hyper creature. Unfortunately, Pikachu appeared just then, and attacked Link. The three of them began rolling around in a giant electric heap.

Falco stuck his head out of his bedroom door. "SHUT UP!" he yelled. The two Pokemon stood up and walked away, leaving a very shocked Link in their wake.

* * *

DK entered the dining room. Seeing no one inside, he ran to the pantry and began eating all the bananas he could get his hands on.

"Hey! OW!"

DK stopped and looked at the banana he was holding. It was oddly colored and large, sort of Captain Falcon-shaped.

"What you do here?" DK asked.

"It was Ganondorf!" the bounty hunter yelled. "He got mad at me because I was drawing mustaches on his pictures of Nabooru, and he threw me in here!"

DK blinked, and then released the talking banana. It ran out of the room, swearing vengeance on the Gerudo king.

"Head hurt. Need sleep." DK said.

* * *

Ganondorf lay on his bed, trying to erase the mustache that his retard of a roommate had drawn on his favorite picture of Nabooru. As he worked, Dr. Mario and Mario walked past his room.

"I have a loyal brother!"

"I have Megavitamins!"

"I have Princess Peach!"

"I have Nurse Peach!"

Ganondorf stopped his work for a second to mock the idiocy of the Marios, and then returned to his work.

At this time, however, Captain Falcon ran in with a can of bug spray. "Eat fog, Ganon!" he shouted. He then pushed down on the lid.

Unfortunately for him, no one had told him that the can was empty. He stared at it and began to shake it. When he looked back up, a monster stood before him.

"Crap."

* * *

Bowser, meanwhile, was lifting weights in his room. GW had come in recently, after having an extensive talk with Mewtwo about strategies for catching projectiles. What weaklings! Why catch projectiles when you could take them like a man? He snorted, causing steam to flow from his nose.

He had to get even stronger before he and Peach could perform their next trick. The idea was to hurl several bowling balls into the foyer during the night and see what happened. He grinned to himself. Oh, how wonderful it was to have the Princess finally want to spend time with him! Perhaps she would finally fall in love with him and ditch that loser boyfriend of hers.

And, speak of the devil! Here was her loser boyfriend now!

"I have a stethoscope!"

"I have fireballs!"

"I have a nifty coat!"

"I have ninety-nine lives!"

Bowser threw the door open as they walked past, knocking both of them unconscious.

"Fools," he laughed.

* * *

DK wandered into his room. It had been such a long day, and that banana hallucination was really beginning to scare him. He clutched his head. "Bad banana…"

He walked over to his bed and threw himself on it. As he landed, the bed fell through a hidden hole in the floor, causing him to plummet into a pool of lava.

* * *

(2 down, 22 to go)

* * *

"Where?"

DK woke up. "Head hurts!" he shouted, causing the female wire frame nearby to shriek. She then ran away before he could Ground Pound her.

"Factory?" he asked aloud. He shrugged. "Oh, well." He then bent over and proceeded to eat the chocolate flowing out of a fountain.

"JIGGLY!"

Suddenly a surprising force flew into him, knocking him into the chocolate. He floundered a bit, and finally pulled himself out.

"Jigglypuff! Jigglypuff! PUFF!" She then punched him in the face, knocking him back into the chocolate.

* * *

Alrighty! A little less random fun, but oh well…I'll make the next one really good, though. Be prepared for rocket launcher breath and more Captain Falcon pain…: ) 


	4. Bed Linens

_Knock knock knock_

"Come in!" Young Link called. The door to his room opened, and Ness stepped in.

"Hey, Young Link. You wanna play baseball with me and the Pokemon?" Ness took a look around the room.

"…Alright," Young Link responded. "But I can't be too long. I'm going to enact phase one of my Evil Plan tonight!"

"Really?" Ness asked, feigning interest. "What is it?"

"I can't tell you! It's an Evil Plan! People don't tell their Evil Plans to people who aren't involved in their Evil Plans!"

"Okay, good point. Shall we go?"

"Sure," Young Link said. "Oh, by the way, did you ever find your bat?"

"Yeah…turns out that Fox and Falco took it so _they_ could play baseball." Ness shrugged. "Go figure, right?"

"Hmm…want me to include them in my Victim List?"

"They aren't already _on _your victim list?"

"No…"

Ness laughed, and they left the room.

* * *

"Ahh…I love this room!" Peach exclaimed.

"How? How can you possibly like all this pink?" Samus snorted. She then noticed Peach's dress and shoes. "Never mind…"

"I like it, too," Zelda murmured. "Not quite as much as my old bedroom at Hyrule Castle, but…it's charming."

Samus threw herself into one of the (pink) plush chairs.

"You know, you shouldn't throw yourself onto things…" Zelda commented Or did you forget about DK?"

'I wonder who killed him?" Peach said to no one in particular.

"I think it was Bowser," Samus said. "Who else would put a hole under a bed?

"I resent that!" Peach shouted. The other two girls stared at her as her cheeks turned as pink as everything else in the room. "I mean…uh…I'm tired. I'm gonna go to sleep."

She crawled under her covers and immediately started pretend snoring.

Samus rolled her eyes. "I guess I'll crash, too." She stood up, stretched, and slid into her bed.

Zelda yawned, and then stood up and left the room to look for Link.

* * *

"CHU!"

"Owowowowowow…"

Yoshi tore into the dining room where the Ice Climbers were eating porridge _(A/N Don't ask. I have no idea why I made it porridge)_. Two seconds later, two very angry electric-affiliated Pokemon ran in after him.

The Ice Climbers stared after them for a few seconds, and then returned to their meal.

"PIKA!"

"Owowowowowow…"

* * *

Meanwhile, in Ganondorf and CF's room…

"Ganondorf?"

"What?"

"Do you ever wonder if there's a perfect person for everyone?"

Ganondorf sighed. "No. I know it. And mine is one of my most wonderfully rebellious subjects, Nabooru."

Captain Falcon remained silent for three seconds. Then, "What about me? Who do you think I should marry?"

"Satan's sister."

There was silence for another few seconds. "Is she hot?"

Ganondorf let out another sigh. This was going to be a long night…

* * *

"At least I'm not a money-grubbing scoundrel!"

"At least I don't give medicine to my opponents!"

"I don't have to wear trousers!"

"I don't have to wear a lab coat!"

* * *

Link woke up the next morning in a complete daze. "I want ice cream!" he shouted. Then he started to wake up and realized what a retarded comment he had just made. He turned to his left and noticed that Young Link was already out of bed.

"I wonder where he went…"

He stood up…and then he realized _why_ Young Link wasn't in the room. He walked over to his closet…and…

"NOOOOOOOO!" he cried.

His clothes were gone.

* * *

Zelda, Mewtwo, Young Link, and Falco sat in the dining room eating pancakes specially made by Peach.

"These are great!" Falco exclaimed in between pecks. "I've never had food this good since mom brought me mealworms when I was seven!"

"I'm going to pretend you didn't just say that," Mewtwo muttered.

Suddenly, two things happened. First, Peach walked in bearing another stack of pancakes. Second, a very angry Link clad in bed linens charged into the room brandishing the Biggoron Sword.

"I'm gonna gut you!" he shouted at Young Link.

Zelda began laughing hysterically, while Peach dropped the pancakes. This, in turn, made Mewtwo very upset.

"You made her drop the pancakes, you idiot!" Mewtwo shouted at Link. He used his telekinetic powers to yank the covers out of Link's hands, revealing his Nayru-studded boxers. Zelda began rolling around on the floor, while Peach threw her hands in front of her face.

"…" Falco managed to refrain from speaking.

Young Link gave his older form an innocent grin. "Check the girls' bedroom," he proclaimed. "Maybe your clothes are hiding in there."

Link grabbed for the bed sheet, missed, and then ran out of the dining room. Mewtwo snorted and returned to his meal. "Idiot," he grumbled.

Five minutes later, Kirby entered the dining room. "Ooh, pancakes!" he exclaimed.

"Morning, Kirby!" Peach greeted the puffball. "Do you want some?"

"Of course!" he responded, He plopped himself down in a chair near Falco, and then proceeded to eat all of the bird's food. "I'd like seventeen, please!"

Falco glared at him. "Who told you that it was okay to eat other people's food?" he growled.

"My mom did. Why?"

Young Link laughed. "Nice comeback, Kirby!"

"Huh?" Kirby blinked. "What are you talking about?"

"…Nothing." Young Link looked around. "I wonder if Link's found out that his clothes were under his bed yet…"

* * *

"I am the greatest!"

"No, I am the greatest!"

"I could easily destroy you!"

"I would mop the floor with your arm!"

The two Marios continued their inane argument as they walked down the hall. Mario claimed that he was better looking, and Dr. Mario said he was more intelligent. Mario said he was stronger, Dr. Mario said he was taller. And so it continued, until…

"I'm the better…huh?" Mario looked to his right, past his constant opponent. Had something…

He suddenly flew backward as a green turtle shell collided with his skull. Dr. Mario watched as his body vanished in a cloud of smoke.

"See? I survived and you didn't!" Dr. Mario taunted.

* * *

"Mama mia…"

Mario looked at his surrounding. There was so much chocolate…

"PUFF!"

He looked to his right and saw Jigglypuff punch DK into a vat of chocolate for the 12,683rd . He ran over to see what was going on, not noticing the fleeing female wire frame.

"What's this?" Mario asked.

"Jiggly Jiggly Puff Puff!"

"Huh?"

Suddenly a massive force hit him in the stomach, and he collapsed into the chocolate.

* * *

So? Did you like it? You _know_ you did…XD

Will Link ever find his clothes? Will Peach and Bowser go through with their bowling ball plan? Will thee girls _ever_ have that pillow fight? Find out…next chapter!

Oh, and review. : )


	5. DietyKirby!

Link ran into the girls' bedroom and began searching frantically for his clothes, muttering assorted curses and threats as he did so. The Ice Climbers walked in, saw the half-naked swordsman talking to himself, and quickly retreated.

After five minutes had passed (and the room was completely trashed) Link ran out of the room and began searching the one he shared with his younger (and, apparently demonic) self. He eventually found all of his clothes under his bed.

They had all been dyed pink.

* * *

Zelda and Peach walked into their room together. They were enjoying each other's company, talking about girl stuff, and then…

"OH MY GOD!" Peach screamed.

"HOLY FARORE!" Zelda shouted.

Their room had been demolished. The walls were dented in several places where Link had tried to find hidden panels. The princess' dresses were strewn about the floor, as were Samus' suits.

And speaking of Samus…

"Who touched my suits?" an angry voice came from behind them.

Zelda and Peach turned around and saw Samus trembling in her Light Suit. Sparks flew from her blood pressure indicator, and the reading was stuck on "Have A Nice Afterlife"

"I'M GONNA KILL THAT POINTY-EARED FREAK!"

Zelda bit her lip. "Samus…uh…"

Samus flew around, creating such a powerful wind that the two princesses fell over. She then flew down the corridor to Link's room.

On the way, she met up with someone else.

"Samus!" Captain Falcon yelled. "Ganondorf called me a totalitarian! Make him drink vinegar!"

Samus stopped and slowly turned to face the speaker. "What…did…you…say?" she said between gritted teeth.

"He called me a totalitarian! Punish him and give me toys!" Captain Falcon began jumping up and down in a very puerile manner.

Samus counted five missiles into her Seeker attachment. "I'll give you toys…" she whispered. She fired them.

"EEK!" Captain Falcon screamed, his vocal cords hitting an all-time record. He jumped backwards, throwing his lower legs behind him, and clasped his hands to his mouth.

The missiles connected. As each one hit, Samus' blood pressure indicator began to drop. By the fifth one, it had returned to "calm enough to hit a Space Pirate with the Sunburst".

Captain Falcon stood there, blinking stupidly. He then ran off to the girls' bedroom. "Peach! Samus is being mean!"

Samus returned to her planned route. She entered Link's room and laughed at his pink outfit. She then scolded him on his disorderly conduct and made him promise never to do it again.

"Life is good," she sighed happily as she left his room.

* * *

The Ice Climbers, Yoshi, and GW were sitting in the foyer. GW was doing various circus stunts, from tightrope walking to juggling. As he started on his cannon blaster trick, however…

"BOMBS AWAY!" a deep voice shouted.

Suddenly, the room filled with bowling balls! They were everywhere! GW accidentally launched himself from the cannon and flew into Bowser, who was hanging from a rope, while Nana and Popo used their Belay Skill to jump over the threat. Yoshi merely used his mad jumping skillz to evade the assault.

"Ow…" Bowser whimpered as GW slammed into his stomach. "That really hurt!"

Suddenly, Peach appeared! "Eat bug spray!" she shouted. She shook the bottle and fired. Fortunately for her, the bottle had been restocked sine Captain Falcon's misadventure, and so she was able to fill the room with spinach-flavored toxin.

"GAACK!" Yoshi choked as he ran out of the room.

"BEEP BEEP BEEP!" GW beeped.

"Yay! Fun!" the Ice Climbers cheered as they hopped away.

Peach smiled and left the room after them.

"…Huh? Hey! Help me!" Bowser yelled from the ceiling.

* * *

Kirby sauntered into the dining room. "Yay!" he cried as he saw a birthday cake was on the table…For him! It was his birthday!

He hopped up and sucked it in. What he didn't realize was that the birthday cake was merely a decoration that had been there since they had moved in.

"Crap."

He popped.

* * *

"Huh?"

Kirby was back at the Fountain of Dreams. But he shouldn't be – he didn't know what it was, but something was a little odd…

Suddenly, a HUGE puffball appeared in front of him!

"Who are you!" Kirby shouted.

The figure looked at him with contempt. "I am DietyKirby! You haven't heard of me?"

"…uh, no."

The giant rolled his eyes. "You aren't even supposed to be dead! The competition isn't over yet!"

Kirby looked around. "…so?"

DietyKirby rolled his eyes. Again. "Master Hand paid me good money to make sure that you stayed alive until the competition was over! So…"

"IlikepuddingIlikeSkittlessendthisfluffballbacktotherealworldbecauseIsaidso!" the giant said.

Kirby felt a bizarre sense of vertigo, and then was thrown back into the mansion.

"…uh…alright, then." Kirby said nonchalantly upon his return. He then went on a pantry raid.

* * *

Fox and Falco sat in the hangar. While they couldn't actually fly the Arwings, it was nice to pretend.

"Okay! What level are we on?" Fox asked.

"We're at the Z sector somewhere." Falco replied sarcastically.

"I know that!" Fox shouted. I mean what are the coordinates of our location?"

"That sounded _so_ retarded…" Falco sighed. He pressed a series of buttons on the console in front of him. "We're at Planet Zebes."

"Zebes isn't even in our damn universe!" Fox shouted.

"Well, that's too bad! I want to visit Zebes!" Falco retorted.

The two continued their argument. Neither of them noticed one of the spare Arwings turn toward their own.

"We're supposed to be hunting Andross!"

"I wanna go to Zebes! I WANNA GO TO ZEBES!"

The third Arwing fired, and Falco's ship exploded.

* * *

When Falco woke up, he found himself in a bizarre factory. He heard a shriek, and turned just in time to see a female wire frame running away from the wrath of his personal deflector. He grunted. Stupid animate inanimate objects…

He heard a scuffle nearby. When he went to investigate…

"Falco, help us!" Mario shouted. He was covered in what looked like chocolate, and he and DK were being beaten by a very angry 'Puff.

"Doy-ya!" Falco shouted. He ran over to the Pokemon and activated his shield, causing her to be thrown 50 feet.

"Thanks." DK grunted as he pulled himself out. "She do that two weeks."

"…uh, okay," Falco said at a loss for words to describe how pathetic that was.

The four Smashers got together and began to devise a plan.

* * *

Alrighty! Wasn't that fun? If you said no to that, then I hope Jigglypuff hunts you down and sings you a lullaby. I got some randomness tips from joebthegreat, who I have to laud due to nonexistent legal issues. Joebthegrat, joebthegreat, he always reviews, he's never late, joebthegreat, joebthegreat, Kirby ain't dead but he _did_ eat what's fake, joebthegreat, joebthegreat.

…yeah. Merry Christmas, everyone! I'll update soon. Probably over the next three days.

Valete!


	6. The Long Awaited Pillow Fight!

"I can't believe this…" Link sighed to himself. "That boy is _so_ dead!"

He walked into the arcade and saw Marth and Roy playing Mario Kart Double Dash. He meandered over to the swordsmen and watched as they obliterated their opponents.

Marth turned to look at him. "Having a bit of a gender crisis, are we?" he said sarcastically.

Roy gave Link a quick glance, and then turned back to the game. "Since when does wearing pink make Zelda a man?" he asked his companion.

Link glared at the redhead. "I'm going to beat you for that later."

Roy's eyes widened and he turned back to face the speaker. "WHAT THE-!"

"What happened to you?" Marth inquired.

"My young self has pinked my clothes." Link folded his arms. "What do I do? I can't be seen like this!"

Marth ran a hand through his hair. "You could ask Zelda to wash them. I don't think she'd mind."

Link bit his tongue. "I guess…it's not like she doesn't know how evil that kid is, anyway."

Roy's eyes suddenly flew open. "DANGER LINK ROBINSON!" he said (A/N: No, I don't own the phrase "Danger, Will Robinson!"). He then grabbed Link by his pink collar and threw him into the Ferris wheel simulation device.

After a second of silence, the doors to the arcade burst open. "Where's that elf!" Bowser yelled into the room.

Link furrowed his brow. _What does he want with me? I didn't do anything to…oh, no._

"If he thinks he can win Peach's affection by dyeing his clothes pink, I'll just have to show him what it _really_ takes to win her love!"

_I'm gonna kill that kid!_ Link thought to himself as he frantically looked for a way to escape the arcade.

"Hey, now, let's just calm down…" Roy said nervously.

Marth brandished his sword. "You'll have to get through us first," he said menacingly to the turtle-dragon hybrid.

The three Smashers engaged in a bloody battle of attrition. As Roy began charging up his B Attack of Painful Fiery Death, Link slid out of the contraption and ran from the room.

Bowser turned his head and saw the fleeing pink person. "PREY!" he shouted. He then charged after the Hylian. Marth and Roy then returned to their regularly scheduled racing.

* * *

Young Link entered his bedroom. Phase Two of the Evil Plan – lying about Link's obsession for all things Peach - had worked PERFECTLY! Link was now running to Zelda. And he would be a while…

He sat at his desk and began to commence Phase Three.

* * *

"There must be some mistake!" Luigi yelled at his not-exactly brother. "I've been taking my medicine!"

Dr. Mario gave him a grave doctor-like expression. "I'm sorry, Luigi, but it's true. You have…THE CHICKEN POX!"

Luigi began to cry uncontrollably, while Ness patted him on the shoulder. "Don't worry, Luigi," Ness consoled him, "I had them when I was five, and they weren't so bad. I mean, aside from the fact that I was yelled at and rejected by all of my friends and forced to live in a small cage outside of the house so that Tracy wouldn't get them…"

Luigi began bawling even harder. "I wanna live!" he bawled.

"…" Dr. Mario stared at the green-clad plumber dubiously. "It's not deadly, Luigi…"

Luigi immediately stopped crying. "Yahoo!" he shouted, Luigi's Mansion style.

"I don't think I'm going to like this…" Ness muttered.

* * *

"I'm so happy!" Peach exclaimed. She was laying on her bed, staring at the ceiling, fawning over her latest success with Bowser.

Zelda rolled her eyes. "Uh-huh. That was _really_ classy."

Peach sat up. "Are you insinuating something?"

"You don't even know what that word means," Samus pointed out.

"Oh, right." Peach grinned. "So who do you think annihilated Falco?"

"Fox!" Zelda exclaimed.

"Bowser!" Samus yelled.

Suddenly, Peach's eyes turned violet! "How dare you desecrate the good Bowser name like that!" she shouted. She then grabbed her pillow and ran over to smother Samus with it. She didn't realize that, since Samus was wearing her Dark Suit, she could not be suffocated in that manner.

Zelda stood up immediately. "Get off of her!" she shouted. She then grabbed her own pillow and began beating Peach with it.

Samus, meanwhile, was charging up her Pillow Beam. "EAT THIS!" the bounty hunter shouted as she fired a mother lode of feathers into Peach's face.

"AAAghlpth!" Peach choked.

The three girls began to assault each other with their feathery weapons, Samus ditching her beam for more conventional weaponry. After five minutes…

"Ah..."

All three girls turned to see Link standing in the doorway, wearing his very pink clothes.

"Ah…Excuse me." He turned around and fled the room.

After a few seconds, Zelda stood up and followed her boyfriend. Peach began fixing her hair, and Samus fell back into her chair and thought about various Wave Beam tactics.

* * *

Yoshi crept into the dining room. He needed to find those dratted Pokemon so he could egg them again…

"Looking for someone?"

Yoshi spun around and came face-to-face with Mewtwo. "If you're looking for the high-voltage hazards, I suggest you try their room," he growled. Yoshi tipped his head in thanks and then ran off after them.

Mewtwo glided into the dining room, looking for something to sustain himself with. Finding nothing that looked particularly appetizing, he left and returned to his bedroom. Inside…

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!" he shouted at the two explorers.

Not that he couldn't tell what they had done – they had covered the room with snow, presumably found in the Snow in a Can bottles scattered around the mansion. They stared at him gleefully. "We made snow! Come on, play with us!"

Mewtwo stared at them incredulously, and then flew over to his bed and curled up inside it.

* * *

Pichu crept out of his and Pikachu's bedroom. He had to find the dinosaur before it was too late! He Quick Attacked his way to the arcade, where he assumed Yoshi would be. When there was no one inside, he ran to the dining room. Still no one…

Or was there? He scampered inside. "Pichu?" he asked timidly.

He felt a burning sensation, and then vanished in a cloud of smoke.

* * *

When the Pokemon woke up, he was in the chocolate factory. "Pi?" he asked, not expecting a response.

"It's about time you woke up!" a gruff voice shouted. Pichu looked over and saw Falco standing next to a large mechanism. He also saw a purple thing running behind him, hoping to avoid a thunder-filled death.

"Pi?" Pichu asked.

Jigglypuff appeared from the other side of the machine. "Jiggly!" she exclaimed.

"We're trying to think of a way to get revenge on Master and Crazy Hands for putting us through this," Falco explained to the mouse. "So far we have nothing."

Pichu began to ponder.

How to do this?...


	7. Samus' True Love

Link trudged into his room, hoping that Little Satan wasn't present to make fun of his ridiculously white clothing. Zelda had had "a little trouble" getting the pink out with her magic, so she bleached them and said she would dye them later.

Fortunately, Young Link wasn't in the room. He let out a sigh of relief and walked over to his bed. As he approached, he noticed an envelope…

_To my one true love_

His eyes widened. A love letter? Zelda never wrote him love letters…

_To my honeylambkin,_

_ Meet me in the attic at twelve-thirty. _

_ Your incredibly sexy Zelda_

Link stood there for a moment in utter shock. After several minutes of recovery, he looked over at the "alarm cloq" next to his bed. Five-thirty.

"This should be interesting…" he muttered to himself.

* * *

"Samus?"

The bounty huntress turned from her dishwashing to see a very humble-looking Captain Falcon standing behind her.

"What?" she responded.

Falcon let out a sigh. "I've been wondering…do you believe in true love?"

Samus groaned. "I told you I'm not going out with you."

"No! It's not that…" He looked at the ground. "I just want to know. Do you think I'll find love?"

"No."

Falcon immediately returned to his normal arrogant self. "I can't believe you didn't fall for that!" he yelled. He then stormed out of the room.

"Retard…" Samus said as she returned to her dishes.

Five minutes later, Ganondorf walked in. "Captain Falcon wants me to tell you that he's crying in our room in an exceptionally manly way."

"He's a moron," Samus muttered.

"At least you don't have to sleep in the same room with him every night until this is over!" Ganondorf griped.

"…Yeah, it really doesn't get worse that that…"

Suddenly Pikachu entered! "PIKA PIKA PIKA!" he wailed, throwing himself on various tables and counters for dramatic effect.

"What's with him?" Samus asked.

"He's just upset because Pichu got maimed by The Psycho Killer," Ganondorf answered. "Personally, I miss him too. He did such a good job of electrocuting Link…"

Samus turned to face her companion. "Hey, Ganondorf…" she began.

"What?"

She hesitated for a second as Pikachu ran out of the room.

"I…uh…"

Before he knew it, she was on him. _Wow, how did she get her helmet off so fast?_ he though to himself as they fell backwards.

* * *

"Well…" Master Hand asked his guest of honor, Nabooru. "I hope that causes you a significant amount of grief.

Nabooru began screaming…joyfully! Master Hand sweatdropped at his failed plan to spread misery across the earth.

"I finally free of that creep! Now I can finally ask Ingo out!" she screamed gleefully. She quickly stood up and tore out of the room, presumably to ask Ingo out.

"…crap," Master Hand lamented.

* * *

Young Link, the Ice Climbers, and Ness were playing Unreal Tournament in the arcade. Ness currently owned the opposition with his Flak Cannon.

"The author does not own Unreal Tournament or the Flak Cannon!" Young Link exclaimed gleefully.

The other three players stared at him dubiously.

"What?" he asked innocently.

"You're kind of stupid…" Ness stated.

The two children began verbally abusing each other, allowing the Ice Climbers to catch up in score.

Suddenly Luigi entered. "I'm a contagion!" he shouted. Nana screamed and ran out of the room, closely followed by Popo.

"Yes! Now we can turn up the air conditioning!" Young Link ran over to the wall and quickly raised the thermostat from its current Phendrana Drifts setting.

The two children continued playing their game. Mewtwo floated in after approximately thirty seconds. "I tire of those children," he growled. He sat down at Nana's chair and began updating his political espionage website.

* * *

Ganondorf yawned as he walked into his room. It would be soooo nice to finally get some sleep…

"YOU BASTARD!"

Ganondorf looked up and saw Captain Falcon standing in front of him wielding what appeared to be a rocket launcher. "How dare you make out with my girlfriend!" he shouted.

"It's not good taste to add that many exclamation points to a shout." Ganondorf pointed out.

"Oh. Whoops." Captain Falcon blushed.

"And you should have interjected a few question marks, too. Did you pass English in school?"

"Uh…well…"

Ganondorf used this moment of confusion and humiliation to charge up his uber-darkball thing. Within five seconds, Captain Falcon was wrapped tightly in ropes of dark energy.

"'Night." Ganondorf muttered as he wandered to his bed.

* * *

Link sat in his room, waiting. It was almost one o'clock, now…almost time for…

Young Link then entered, looking glum.

"HA!" the elder shouted. "I can't believe you thought I would fall for a love letter!" He then swung the flat of the Master Sword at his younger self.

"Huh?" Young Link asked. He was then knocked out cold.

"Loser…" Link chuckled to himself as he finally went to bed.

* * *

The next morning was not a good one for poor, poor, Link.

"_How dare you stand me up!"_ Zelda shrieked as Link entered the dining room. She quickly grabbed a glass of water and threw it in his face. "I can't believe you would send me a letter pining for my body and then would not show up at my rendezvous!"

Link stood there, blinking stupidly. The letter had been real?...

"But…I…."

Wait.

"You said…I sent you a letter…_first_?" he asked.

She sighed and threw her hands on her hips. "Of course, idiot! Why wouldn't you know…that…"

They stared at each other for a second. And then…

"I'M GONNA KILL THAT KID!" they shouted in unison.

* * *

Yoshi poked his head around the corner of the arcade doorway. No sign of Pikachu. That was good. Pikachu desperately wanted to maim Yoshi, apparently believing that Yoshi was the cause of Pichu's sort-of death.

He never looked back into the arcade – if he had, he might have seen the barrel rolling towards him at high velocity.

He let out an "Oomph!" as the barrel crushed him.

* * *

When he regained consciousness, he found himself being examined by a purple object. It let out a shriek and fled, hoping to avoid eggization.

"?" he sounded.

"Jigglypuff!"

Yoshi turned and saw Jigglypuff flying at him. He didn't realize that she was attacking until he had been knocked fifty feet away from the chocolate spout.

"Owowowowow!" he shouted as he flew across the room, colliding with Falco along the way.

"Gack! You made me mess up my stealth plan!" the angry bird shouted to Jigglypuff as his cloaking device failed. "Now I have to think of another one!"

Yoshi grabbed his head.

This had been a strange day…

* * *

Chapter Complete!

Does Young Link have a Phase Four? Will Mewtwo get a larger role that is more suited to his utter awesomeness? Why is Jigglypuff obsessed with chocolate? All this and more…SOMETIME BEFORE THE FIC IS OVER!

Have a nice day!


	8. Black Market Mastermind

Mewtwo floated around inside the arcade. That Game and Watch fellow was already five minutes late! What, was he supposed to wait forever for a little shadow? He charged up a ball of energy and hurled it at Jigglypuff's computer to appease his anger.

He waited. And waited.

"BEEEEEEEEEEEEP!"

Mewtwo turned to face the incessant noisemaker, who was currently running through the room at a terrible speed.

"Wait! I only wanted to know where Ness is!" Luigi shouted after the flat creature. His body was still covered in the chicken pox, although he was supposed to recover shortly.

"He's eating," Mewtwo said.

"Oh. Thanks." Luigi turned and left the room, allowing an exhausted GW to return.

"That was quite a sight, GW. You do know that you can't contract the chicken pox, right?"

GW formed a no symbol.

"Mmm. Anyway…" Mewtwo teleported to his computer and brought up his black market portfolio.

"Beep beep," GW commented.

"Why, thank you. I also transferred a standard set of those Multi Bottle Rocket's from Ness' world to Fox's account. We'll see if he gets a small surprise when he gets back home, won't we?"

Game and Watch hopped onto his computer and began inputting a few commands. Within seconds, he had ordered a shipment of Mario's Lazy Shell armor.

"Forgot to do this earlier," he typed.

Mewtwo smirked. "I take it that these are for your Corneria excursion?"

GW beeped a response. "Taking over the cosmos is such fun," he typed.

Mewtwo chuckled.

* * *

Bowser wandered the hallway, wondering what fun event to plan next. Peach had suggested that he come up with something this time – she had said that she wanted this to be more of a partnership. He grinned at the thought. _Partnership_! Like couples!

_Let's see…I could burn down someone's bedroom…or the hangar! We should plant explosives in the hanger! No, that's not quite what she'd want…hmm…_

He thought for several more seconds. As he thought, Link walked past him.

"Ah…hi, Bowser." The swordsman's hand lowered towards his blade. "Do you…uh…ahem…"

Bowser stared at Link, who was now wearing his standard green tunic. Zelda must have cleansed the pink…

_Pink!_

Bowser roared in triumph, causing Link to squeal in terror and run into Ness and Luigi's room. The king then ran for the girls' bedroom to tell Peach his new plan.

A few seconds later, Link was hurled out of his hiding spot by a very angry telepath.

* * *

Young Link, meanwhile, was in the hangar, taking various parts from the spare Arwings and throwing them in a heap.

"What are you doing?" Ness asked as he walked in.

"I'm making a robot." Young Link peeled off some of the armor an Arwing. "I need it for one of the later stages of my Evil Plan."

Ness walked over and examined the parts. "Wow!" he exclaimed. "You could make a Phase Distorter with this stuff!"

"A what?"

"Oh, it's something from my realm. It's like a time machine, I guess." Ness waved his hand dismissively. "By the way, your older self barged into my room earlier."

Young Link raised an eyebrow. "Why, exactly?" he asked.

"Well…I don't know. He looked kind of freaked out."

Young Link tittered. "He should know better by now. After all, you were the one who obliterated him in the last…what? Seven tournaments?"

"Just five," Ness corrected.

"Anyway…hey, could you help me with this?" Young Link indicated some of the parts. "I need them molded a certain way, and I was hoping…"

"Yeah, sure." Ness focused on the metal and it formed into a needle.

"Wow! That's like, exactly how I needed it!" Young Link bent over and began fitting it into another part. "How did you know what I wanted?"

"Hey, I'm a telepath. I know stuff." Ness smiled. "Hey, did you know that Samus is making out with your archrival's worst enemy?"

"…that made no sense at all…"

Ness rolled his eyes. "I mean, Samus and Ganondorf are a _thing_."

Young Link laughed. "Yeah, I heard that from Falcon. He seemed pretty distraught about it."

The conversation turned to Captain Falcon and various ways they hoped he would die as Young Link's robot began to take shape.

* * *

Roy sat up from his nap and yawned. He and Marth had a dueling appointment that he needed to get ready for, and then he was going to play tennis with Dr. Mario. And then it would be dinner, and Peach said she might make Shroom Steak…

Suddenly his eyes flew open. "I SENSE DANGER!" he shouted to himself. He stood up and bolted for the door.

Suddenly the room turned into a vacuum. A terrible force filled it and began dragging him toward the window. He leapt forward and managed to grab the door handle, forcing it open.

_Crap,_ he thought. _I can't exactly let go, or I'll go flying out the window…and I can't go forward…Damn!_

Suddenly he heard a wonderful noise. It was the sound of…

* * *

"I miss Mario," Dr. Mario lamented. "I miss our engaging discussions about life and philosophy…and our girlfriends…" he sighed as he walked down the corridor.

He then heard a strange sound. When he looked around, he noticed that one of the bedroom doors was open…he walked over to it, and…

"AAAAAGH!" he screeched as the vacuum pulled him out the window and into Electrode…

* * *

"Phew…I wonder why it stopped." Roy said to himself. He walked over to the window and closed it, then used his fire-based abilities to fuse it shut.

* * *

When Dr. Mario woke up, he heard a familiar sound…

"Jigglypuff….Jigglypuff…JIGGLY…pu-u-u-uuuufff…"

He suddenly fell back asleep.

"Okay…" Falco said, "all of the guards are asleep now…" He zipped his way over to the large door that served as the exit. Unfortunately, no amount of power could break it.

"…stuck." DK said morosely.

"No!" Falco shouted. "There must be a way out…"

Pichu walked over to a nearby console. "PIIIIICHU!" he screamed as he let out a bolt of electricity. This, in turn, fried the circuits, which opened the door.

"…nice." Mario said as he pulled out his anti-Sing earplugs.

* * *

Will the Psycho Killer exact revenge on Roy for his evasive tactics? Is _Roy_ the Psycho Killer, and just made himself the target to raise doubt? What will happen with the new couple? All this and more…IN THE FUTURE! If you have to know right away, might I recommend Ness' Phase Distorter?

Valete!


	9. A Very Shocking Death

Marth strode elegantly into the foyer of the LCHH. As he entered, a mosquito flew in front of his face, as if tantalizing him. He quickly whipped out his sword and sliced the pest into seven pieces. Stupid bug.

"Hello, Marth," Master Hand called over the intercom. "Are you leaving?"

Marth glared at the ceiling. "I have no intention of forfeiting this game. "Or losing, for that matter." He wandered over to a chair and sat down in it.

"Why are you here, then?" Master Hand sounded curious.

"Because I want to be," Marth said snidely.

There was silence from the intercom. Finally. _It's so nice to have some peace_, Marth thought.

As he sat in silence, Roy entered the room. "Hey," he greeted as he sat down in a chair on the other end of the room.

There was a brief silence, and then Marth began to speak. "Do you ever wonder why Master Hand put us in here?"

"I thought Crazy put us in here…" Roy said.

"Oh, come on. Like he's actually smart enough to come up with something as elaborate as this all by himself."

Roy grew thoughtful. "I guess you're right…"

Marth leaned forward. "I think he's working for someone. Someone who wants us all to live horrible, tortured lives. Someone more powerful than any one of us."

Roy's eyes grew wide. "Maybe we should find out," he suggested. "I bet we could take whoever it is together. If not you and me, then all of us. Maybe we could send Falcon in first so he could die painfully."

Marth cocked his head. "I have no doubt that we could take this thing on. Probably even just us. I just wish this contest would be over so that we could start our research."

"You don't want to just quit?"

"Of course not! I want to win this contest as much as everyone else. I never back down from a fight."

"What about that time when Peach -"

"THAT NEVER HAPPENED!" Marth screeched. He then stood up and tore out of the room.

"He's so touchy…" Roy griped.

* * *

"Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!" Young Link laughed. "My finest work! And that was a good laugh, too. I wish I could pull that off more frequently…"

He stood in front of his not-exactly complete robot, which he had dubbed Amelia. Currently he had installed a jetpack, a rocket launcher, two laser guns, the needle that Ness had crafted for him, and an Unlimited Pepsi Dispenser.

"Ah…time to go to sleep!" he said as he reverently placed Amelia in her All-Purpose Robot Case that he had bought from Mewtwo for the low, low price of seven hundred rupees.

After making sure that Amelia was well hidden under Fox's Arwing, he turned to leave the hangar. He passed through the dining room on his way to bed, where he met up with two unfriendly faces…

"Well, well…" Zelda growled. Her eyes were dangerously narrow, and she had pulled off her left glove.

"It's the rat," Link muttered. He had equipped the Silver _and_ Golden Gauntlets, and was wielding a Regal Blade he had "borrowed" from Roy.

_Hmm…how do I get past them?_ Young Link wondered. Zelda was slowly walking forward, and Link was brandishing the sword…

"Zelda made out with Marth last week!" Young Link cried.

Link turned to Zelda. "What?" he asked in confusion.

"He's lying. He just wants to distract us." Zelda reached over and pushed Link's face back towards his young self.

"Oh. Right."

_Crap…but this'll work!_

"Link stole one of your dresses and wore it to a costume party!" Young Link shouted.

Zelda glared at her boyfriend. "You what?"

"He's lying! He's just trying to turn us against each other!" Link yelled. He then bit his lip and looked away.

Zelda gasped. "I knew it! I knew that dress was gone after you left! You idiot!" She began slapping him.

"Aack!" he yelped, raising his hands to shield himself.

Young Link smiled in satisfaction before scurrying away.

* * *

Luigi entered the arcade. Now that he was all healthy again, he figured he should spend as much time as possible doing active, social things to make up for lost time.

"I'm gonna play Luigi's Mansion! I love games that star me!" he exclaimed as he approached his Gamecube.

Unfortunately, he didn't know something. His Gamecube was the rigged one, and whenever Luigi's Mansion was activated…

"Wha?" he asked stupidly as the small purple box exploded, throwing him into the wall.

"Nooo!" Mewtwo shouted as he floated in. "That was my new world domination invention!" He turned to Luigi and glared at him. "What did I tell you about not playing any games that starred you?"

Luigi quivered. "Oops…"

Mewtwo floated over to the shattered Gamecube of Death and began repairing it. Luigi walked up behind him and attempted to assist the Pokemon, only to be thrown backwards yet again, this time at a much higher velocity.

* * *

Roy walked into his bedroom. Something was missing…he could sense it…

"My Regal Blade!" he shouted. It wasn't hanging above his bed like usual – it was gone! He whirled around and went in search of Ness.

"Watcha need?" the telepath asked as Roy stormed into the dining room.

"Somebody stole my Regal Blade! Do you know who?" Roy asked, trying to sound polite despite his panic.

Ness closed his eyes and activated his psychic powers. "…Link. Adult Link." He said.

"No! I warned him about touching that sword!" Roy turned around and stormed out of the room in search of the thieving swordsman.

* * *

Captain Falcon lay in wait for his roommate. _You may think you've had the last laugh,_ he thought, _but Samus is mine! No other man, especially one that is a sad little clone of me, can ever lay a hand on her!_

He heard someone walking into the bedroom…now, which button was he supposed to press? These bombs were so hard to use…

His eyes grew wide as he felt breath on his neck. He started to whirl around, and was met by a punch from Ganondorf.

"Ugh," he sputtered as he slipped into unconsciousness.

* * *

Peach and Bowser snuck down the hallway wielding their paint cans. That trick that Link had been the victim of was good…but painting the entire mansion pink was even better! She stared adoringly at the Koopa King. She had another interesting idea, one that would throw the entire manor into turmoil…but it would have to wait until later…

"Ready?" she whispered.

"Of course!" he answered her.

They walked into the foyer and began to paint.

* * *

Ness sat in his room, waiting for Luigi to finish getting ready so he could go to sleep. At present, Luigi was showering. And taking a very long time, at that…

"Screw it. I can't stay up any longer…" Ness grumbled as he reached over to turn off the lamp. As he touched the base of it, electricity began to course through his body.

"Crap! I should have known that was coming…" he said to himself as he collapsed.

* * *

When he woke up, he was in a bizarre facility. He looked around, and saw several of the other Smashers…the other dead ones.

"Glad to see you finally up," Falco said.

"…uh, yeah." Ness looked around. "Where are we?"

"No one a-knows-a," Mario said simply.

"Do you have to do that a-a thing?" Ness grumbled.

"Yes-a-a-a-a-a-a!" Mario taunted.

Within minutes, all of the Smashers were…Smashing.

* * *

Chapter 9 complete! Wow, two updates in two days…(collapses form mental exhaustion). 


	10. Spare Parts

"Uhhh…"

Kirby staggered into the dining room – no easy feat, since his legs are nonexistent – and jumped on the table. He had forgotten just how hard it was to fall asleep after eating coffee beans, which had led him to stay up very late the night before.

"Good morning, everyone!" a female voice called. Kirby groaned at the loud noise as Peach sauntered in. "I'm going to make some…waffles…hi, Kirby. Where is everyone?"

"Dunno," Kirby moaned.

"That's so strange. I normally wake up wayafter everyone else…and I was so looking forward to the expressions on their faces when they saw the house…"

Kirby decided to take a look at his surroundings. And, sure enough…

"Pink?" he queried. "That's a new one…" he then fell asleep, his sleeping hat automatically appearing on his head.

"…well, at least this way I get to see everyone's individual actions!" Peach said cheerfully. She traipsed into the kitchen and began cooking.

Samus and Ganondorf appeared thirty seconds later. "What's the meaning of this?" Samus demanded of the princess. Ganondorf stood behind her with a stoic expression on his face.

"What do you mean?" Peach asked.

"I mean PINK!" Samus screeched. "You know how much I hate this color! Listen, just because you have the hots for Bowser doesn't mean -"

There was a clanging sound as Peach discarded the frying pan she currently held and then picked up a churning device. "You sure you want to finish that sentence?" she whispered, brandishing her "weapon" like a sword.

"Bring it, blondie!" Samus shouted.

"Hah! You're blond, too!" Peach shouted.

The two got into a battle of epic proportions, later put in the same category as The Lord of the Rings and Dude, Where's My Car? Ganondorf attempted to jump in and defend his girlfriend, but kept getting thrown back out.

Bowser then walked in. "Peach!" he called.

"Wow, Peach is getting destroyed…" Ganondorf muttered.

"No, Samus is getting destroyed!" Bowser countered. "My one true love could never be defeated!"

Before they knew it, the two males of the group were fighting as well. Meanwhile, Mewtwo flew in and hovered above them, snickering to himself at their poor intellect.

_What's going on?_

Mewtwo looked forward. Had Ness just sent him something?

_Mewtwo? What's so funny?_

_Mushroom Kingdom versus Ganondorf and Samus,_ Mewtwo thought back. _Where are you? I haven't heard from you in a while._

_We're in a chocolate factory. How moronic is that?_

Mewtwo chuckled. _Sad._

_Yeah…and the Marios are fighting AGAIN. They can't lay off it for five seconds. I swear they've been doing it in their sleep lately. Anyway, listen – we've been imprisoned in a food processing plant under the Smash Manor – you know, the real one – and we're trying to break out. Could you maybe teleport us one of your rocket launchers?_

Mewtwo paused to consider. Sure, he usually charged a lot of money for teleportation jobs, but he liked Ness. _I can send it to you, I think. Just pay me five hundred of whatever Eagleland currency is._

_Dollars! Dollars! D-O-L-L-A-R-S! Why is that so hard to remember?_ Ness beamed. _Well, whatever. Thanks, Mewtwo._

_Is there anyone who can use it? You said yourself that you can't use explosives._

_Yeah, Falco. Even if he can't lift it, he can explain to DK how to use it and have _him_ lift it. Besides, what better way to get out of a prison that with a crazy monkey holding explosives, right?_

Ness slowly faded out of Mewtwo's brain. He looked around (Ganondorf was helping Bowser up, and Samus was getting ingredients for waffles – apparently they had made up), and then proceeded to the arcade.

* * *

Nana and Popo entered the arcade shortly after Mewtwo had finished his transaction. They were going to go rock climbing!

Pikachu appeared as they were getting ready. "Pika pika?" he asked.

"Do you mean you want to join?" Nana asked. The Pokemon nodded his head emphatically.

"Alright, then!" Popo threw Pikachu a set of mountain climbing gear and they began climbing.

"Hey, Pikachu," Nana asked. "Who do you think is the killer?"

Pikachu thought for a moment, and then scrunched his face up.

"Captain Falcon?"

Pikachu nodded again.

"Hee hee! That's what I think, too. Popo says he thinks its Kirby, but I don't see it…" she shrugged.

"I actually asked Kirby what he thought, and he said Young Link. Why would he think that?" Popo shook his head.

"How about because he's a maniacal little freak?" Link answered as he entered the room.

"Oh, come on, Link!" Nana said. "He's not so bad! He's really nice to us!"

"That's because you aren't on his Victims List." Link said darkly. "And did I mention that I'm first?"

"He put you on that list because you told Malon that he was going out with Saria…" Popo pointed out.

Link smiled. "Oh, yeah…that was a good one…why does he care, anyway? It's not like Malon refused to go out with him anyway!"

Nana grinned. "Well, it doesn't matter. Hey, you wanna join us? It'd be nice if we had an even number of people."

"Yeah, sure. It's been a while since I've done this…" Link approached the rock wall. "Where is Young Link, anyway? I hardly see him anymore."

Pikachu cocked his head. "Pika, Pikachu…" He then shrugged so they would understand him.

They began to climb.

* * *

Fox walked into the hangar. He hadn't come in here to pretend-fly ever since Falco's disappearance, so he figured he would give it a shot. That is, until…

"What are you doing!" he shouted at the blonde-haired boy sitting amidst the remains of his precious Arwing.

Young Link looked up at him and raised his eyebrows. "What does it look like I'm doing? I'm disassembling your ship to get spare parts."

Fox sputtered. And sputtered. He then turned and ran out of the room, weeping over the loss of his precious Arwing.

* * *

Roy and Marth sat in the More Or Less A Living Room. Roy was flipping through a magazine and sitting very, very far away from the window.

After a few seconds Zelda walked in. "Hey, guys, have you seen Link?"

Marth scratched his nose. "I think he's in the arcade," he said.

"Okay, thanks." Zelda turned to leave, and then slowly turned back again. "How about Young Link?"

Roy turned to face Marth. "Isn't he in the hangar?" he asked.

Marth nodded. "Yeah, I think he's been spending most of his time in there lately."

Zelda nodded and once again turned to leave. This time…

"Danger, O Hylian Princess!" Roy flew out of his chair, grabbed Marth's wrist, and began running for the door opposite the one Zelda stood in.

"What?" Zelda called after them. She rolled her eyes and turned one last time to exit the room. As she turned, a fully charged Super Scope blast hit her in the stomach.

* * *

"Huh?"

Zelda sat up and checked out her surroundings. There was Ness…and there was DK…

"Did I _die_?"

Mario and Dr. Mario turned to face her. "Oh, hi Zelda!" Dr. Mario called.

"It's-a Zelda!" Mario called. Zelda noticed a brief flash of pain sear through her at the "-a"

"Man, I wanted to win this thing!" Zelda sighed. "Well, anyway…what are they doing?"

"Hey, Zelda!" Ness called. "Glad you made it! Listen, can you come here? I need help assembling this thing…"

Zelda stood and walked over to Ness. He was trying to build something, apparently…

"What _is_ that?" she inquired.

"It WAS a rocket launcher, until Pichu decided to overload the circuits. Now we have to find out what's wrong with it."

"Oh…" Zelda quickly reassembled the weapon, and then sent a jolt of magical energy through it. It automatically fired a rocket into a nearby wall, revealing a fleeing wire frame.

"See? I just need to give it a push." Zelda grinned.

* * *

Will the Smashers break free now that Zelda and Mewtwo are helping out? Will Kirby ever learn that coffee ismeant to be consumed in liquid form? And just what is it with Roy, anyway? More, in a later update. I'll try to be quick, m'kay?

Valete…


	11. A Place to Sleep

Young Link stood in the hangar, checking Amelia for any signs of malfunction. So far all of the weapons systems were working accurately, and her sensors were fine. Her infrared vision wasn't quite right, but he hadn't finished installing all of the parts, so that was no big deal.

"Hmm…activate homing sensors and find the position of Ness," he commanded.

There was a loud clicking noise, and then a response. "Ness is presently 2,410 feet under the Smash Manor's foyer, in the 'Handy Food Making Plant'," Amelia responded in her robotic drone.

Young Link frowned. "That's weird…what's 'Handy' supposed to mean, anyway?" He began to ponder it for a few seconds.

The clicking noise came from Amelia again. "Handy is probably a reference to Master and/or Crazy Hand. It could also refer to convenience."

Young Link grinned. "All right! I'm glad you're auto-response feature is working right. Let's see…I guess you can power down for now."

Amelia's eyes (which were currently two laser pointers) grew dark. So far she didn't look like the Uber Robot of Death and Adult Link Crushing he wanted her to be. She was pretty much wires, really.

He bent over and began installing a new component for her infrared sensors. As he worked, he heard the sound of the hangar door opening.

"Well, if it isn't Young Link," Ganondorf said amiably. As odd as it was, they had grown to be friends – mostly because they shared an immense dislike for Zelda's current boyfriend.

"Hey, Ganondorf!" Young Link squeaked as he jumped up and stood in front of his creation.

"…What's that?" Ganondorf asked.

"It's, uh…it's…uh…"

Samus then walked in. "We've really got to do something about all this pink," she griped. "It's driving me…WHOA!" She ran over to the robot. "This thing is awesome! Are you building it?" She turned to Young Link.

"Uh…yeah…"

Samus grinned. "I should have known. I had no idea you were so good with machinery."

"Heh, thanks," Young Link said, starting to grow more comfortable with the situation. "Ness helped out a lot early on, so I could get a good idea of the schematics and stuff."

Ganondorf walked over to them. "Once again…what is it, exactly?"

"It's an all-purpose combat…well, I assume it will be an android. She can find anything on whatever planet she's on, and she has all sorts of weaponry equipped…and…is this a Unlimited Pepsi Dispenser?" she asked in awe. "Where did you get that?"

"Mewtwo's Black Market," the boy responded.

Samus frowned. "Well, I can't say I approve of your sources…but this is truly an amazing weapon!"

"I take it she's for anti-Link purposes?" Ganondorf asked.

"Yeah."

Ganondorf grinned. "Well, I'm willing to help out!"

Samus stared adoringly at the robot. "Can I help, too? I know a lot more about this than you or Ness would…"

"…Yeah, sure. As long as you don't tell anyone else about it. _Especially_ Zelda."

Ganondorf eyed Young Link. "How far behind are you, anyway? Didn't you hear that the Psycho Killer got to her?"

"Really?" Young Link asked. "That's interesting. It seems like he or she would have waited to take her on. She's much more defensive than most of us."

"Well, maybe that's why Bowser killed her," Samus said.

"You think it's Bowser?" Young Link inquired.

"YES! Who else would kill someone by dropping a chandelier on Jigglypuff? Or by putting a huge hole under DK's bed? Or by rigging Ness' bedroom lamp? I mean, _seriously_!"

Young Link looked over to Amelia. "I dunno…those things seem like stuff that Mewtwo might do. He could come up with stuff that did any of those things."

Samus snorted.

"I'm not really sure who it is," Ganondorf mused, "but I think it might be Peach. Mario and Dr. Mario died off pretty quickly since she and Bowser started hanging out…of course, I guess that suits Bowser, too."

"Hmm…Amelia, wake up!"

Amelia's eyes lit back up and she rose out of her metal box. "Yes, master?"

Samus laughed. "Nice touch."

"Amelia, I want you to accept orders from Ganondorf and Samus from now on. Also, I need you to do something for me."

Amelia stared at him. "What do you require of me?"

"I need you to monitor Peach and Bowser over the next week. I want to know what they're doing…"

"My sensors are not fully functional. I will not be able to track them when they enter the dining room, arcade, or the rooms on the western side of the LCHH."

"…Oh. Right." Young Link turned to the couple. "I guess we'll have to wait until she's complete. That's one of the last parts to install."

Samus sighed. "Well, it's okay. I'm ready for that turtle-thing."

Ganondorf looked at the ruined Arwings. "Oh, by the way – Fox is out to kill you. He said that he's going to kill you and then jump up and down on your corpse."

Young Link smiled. "I'm not afraid of him. I'm more worried about Adult Link. He's gonna be mad now…"

* * *

Fox lay on his bed, sobbing into his pillow and beating the mattress. "Why? Why did he tear my ship apart?" He looked over at the clock. 5:15.

Time dragged when you were lamenting the loss of your most prized possession.

* * *

Peach walked into the dining room to find the Ice Climbers and Mewtwo waiting for her. "We're ready for dinner!" Popo exclaimed.

"They've been making snow cones for the last hour," Mewtwo growled. "I hope you're planning on making a very quick meal."

"Don't worry, Mewtwo, I'm only making pizza." She looked to the Ice Climbers. "How are you making snow cones, anyway? I thought we left the ice machine at the Smash Manor."

"We made the ice ourselves!" Nana yelled. The two seemed to be on some form of high, hopefully off of the sugar in snow cones.

"Ness wanted me to tell you that Zelda wishes it was as pink there as it is here…" Mewtwo muttered. "That's the last message I'm delivering, by the way."

"Hmm…well, thanks." She walked into the kitchen to find Luigi napping on the counter.

"Uh…shouldn't you be in your room?" she asked.

"I can't sleep in there anymore!" Luigi exclaimed. "I'm so worried that the Psycho Killer will leave another trap for me!"

Peach folded her arms. "And the solution to that is sleeping in the room where we keep the butcher knives?"

Luigi squealed and ran from the room. Peach took a second to blink, and then went on to prepare her meal.

* * *

Captain Falcon stood in the arcade, waiting for someone to enter. He still needed to unleash his wrath on somebody. Ganondorf and Samus…Ganondorf and Samus…

Fortunately for everyone in the LCHH, somebody else had decided to take out his or her wrath on him. Before he knew what had happened, the F-Zero simulator he was standing next to exploded.

* * *

When he woke up, he was in a large, dome-shaped room. The first thing he heard was…

"RUN! It's Captain Falcon!"

There was a sound of a door closing, and then something melting. When the captain sat up, he was a blast door across the room from him, the two sections of it stuck together.

"...I thought we were going back to the Manor!" he grumbled.

* * *

And that's Chapter 11!

Valete…


	12. Adventures in Tofu

Link wandered into the dining room. He had been depressed lately over Zelda's demise two weeks ago – although he was handling it far better than Pikachu, who had just recently gotten over the death of his little self.

"Hi Link!" Nana greeted the swordsman. "How's it going?"

"Fine, I guess." He sat down next to her. "Where's Popo? You two aren't apart very often."

"He went to the bathroom, Link," Nana said giggled.

Peach walked in, carrying a plateful of hamburgers. "Okay…uh, I think the ones on the right have cheese…well, just check them and see." She turned to Link. "Oh, hello Link. Want a burger?"

"…um, were they made from Hylian cows? 'Cause I've kind of gotten to bond with them. I can't tell you how many times I've gotten milk from one by playing Epona's Song."

Peach blinked. "I don't know. I think they're made from Cornerian cows, actually…do you need me to check and see?"

"Nah, I'll eat it." Link took one of the burgers and bit into it.

"Wait, that's-!"

Link suddenly spat it back out. "What _is _this?" he demanded.

"It's my tofu burger!" Peach yelled. "Now I have to make another one!" She stormed back into the kitchen, stopping at the doorway to shoot a glare at Link.

"…"

"…"

"Hey, guys!" Popo greeted. "Hey, the burgers are ready!" He leapt onto a chair and began to eat the burger Nana had picked out for him.

"I think I'm going to go sneak into the pantry and see if I can get something to drink…" Link grimaced. "I need to get that taste out of my mouth!"

"I'll go," Nana offered. "It's probably best that you don't get within range of Peach's veggie throw." She hopped down and disappeared into the kitchen.

Popo glanced at Link. "What did you do?"

"I ate…evil." Link sighed and propped his head on his hands.

* * *

GW blipped into the arcade. What a wonderful opportunity to play Super Mario World! He shifted to "sitting form" and activated the platform.

"What are you doing?" Roy asked as he entered.

"Blip. Blippity beep."

"…uh, yeah. I'm just gonna stop talking…" Roy strode over to his computer and flipped on the monitor.

"What…what _is_ this?"

His background had changed from it's usual Lilina picture to…who was that, anyway? Some ugly blonde with way too much lipstick and a burn.

"Who is that, anyway?" he wondered as he stared at the image. He finally noticed a small note near the keyboard.

"Hope you like Vaida! – Bowser"

Roy blinked. Vaida…the name sounded familiar. Like one of his father's allies…or enemies…or something…He went image surfing and found a more suitable picture of his current girlfriend.

A message popped up on the screen. "Download unsuccessful. A virus is preventing your computer from saving any files."

"I thought this didn't involve saving files!" Roy shouted into the computer.

"Beep." GW leapt over to Roy and smacked the hard drive with his m hammer, which let out an electric shock. The computer sputtered for a second, and then another message appeared.

"We are sorry for the brief inconvenience. Your download may now begin."

"Sweet!" Roy exclaimed. "Thanks, GW!"

GW shot him a brief thumbs-up and then returned to his game, which had somehow shifted from Super Mario World to Kirby 64.

Mewtwo floated into the room. "Excuse me, Mr. Game and Watch," he said, "but I was wondering if you by any chance stole five of my nuclear-powered Gameboys?"

GW leapt five feet into the air and made a mad dash for the other door.

"Idiot…" Mewtwo muttered as he floated back out. "It's not like I was going to hurt him…" He then let out a grunt as Pikachu Quick Attacked into the room.

"Will you watch where you're doing that!" he shouted as he left the room. Pikachu merely waved and picked up where GW had left off on his game.

* * *

Link wandered back into his room. Yet another slow day, and he was _tired_. It really surprised him how much energy it took to be bored.

He looked on the stand next to his bed and saw the Regal Sword. "Ah, yes…" he walked over to it and picked it up. "I really ought to-"

Suddenly a powerful force struck the back of his head! He fell forward onto the nightstand.

"YES! IT'S MINE! IT'S ALL…this isn't the Master Sword!" Young Link shouted. "This is some stupid shiny thing that wouldn't hurt a Miniblin!"

Link rubbed his head and gave Link a Stare of Incredible Death. "You'll be wanting to run away very, very quickly," he growled.

"MY REGAL BLADE! Roy yelled as he poked his head in. "YOU TOOK MY REGAL BLADE!" He charged at Link and brandished his measly Iron Sword.

"Whoops." Young Link said. He swung the sword over his head, but accidentally got it caught in the ceiling fan. Roy collided with him and the two sprawled on the floor.

"…This could be fun." Link sat down on his bed and watched the fight.

* * *

Fox walked into the hangar. "Noes!" he cried. "Young Link is supposed to be here!" He ran out before he could see his precious Arwing in its new form. He eventually came across the Links' bedroom, and witnessed the scene unfolding inside.

"YAAAH!" he shouted as he pounced on the two fighters.

* * *

The next morning, Peach walked into the dining room with Bowser. Their last plans had been successful…but would Bowser approve of this one?

"Bowser…" Peach began, "have you ever considered…um…lifelong…" she stopped to consider how to phrase this.

"What?" Bowser asked as he stuffed a pear into his mouth.

_Oh, he's _so _hot when he does that_, she thought. "Uh…marriage!" she blurted. She then clapped her hand over her mouth.

Bowser looked at her. She looked at him.

"HELL YEAH!" he roared.

Peach fainted.

* * *

Five minutes later, a very bruised Young Link walked in. "Oww…" he moaned. "I'm in so much pain right now…" He sat down at the table and fell asleep again.

Roy appeared a few seconds later. Unlike Young Link, he only had a bruise over his left eye – which, ironically, had been dealt by Fox. He also fell asleep at the table.

Fox was the last to enter. He had several bruises, but none were noticeable under his fur. He sat down, and…

"BREAKFAST!" Peach shouted. All three became immediately alert. "I made pancakes and waffles and sausage and potatoes and tacos and fajitas and I can do all this because I am ridiculously happy and I think I got an estrogen high or something and oh yeah I also made coffee I love the sound of coffee coffee coffee coffee,"

All three of the males suddenly fell back asleep.

* * *

Pikachu meandered down the hallway. Why? Because he _felt_ like meandering, and no one was going to stop him!

Well, the Psycho Killer was, because as Pikachu entered the arcade, he was hit with seven shurikens.

* * *

Pikachu woke up with the dead Smashers. Well, all of them except…Captain Falcon? Where was he?

"Oh, hi Pikachu!" Ness called. Falco also turned to wave at the newcomer. "The others have gone to scout out the next area. What's going on?"

"Pika?" Pikachu asked. He then scrunched his face to demonstrate Captain Falcon.

"Oh, yeah. We left him in this giant room and sealed the door shut so he couldn't follow us. I figure they'll let him out when the contest is over. Anyway, look!" Ness showed Pikachu the rocket launcher…and…

"Boom thing!" DK screamed. He then swept forward and grabbed it out of Ness' hands.

"…oh, no…" Ness moaned.

* * *

Will DK rekill the victims? Will Peach ever get over her anger with Link and tofu? Will Amelia show back up (hint: _duh_)? Well, anyway…bye! 


	13. F Zero Music in La

GW stepped into the dining room, hoping to avoid a conflict with the cat-like Smasher. So far he had successfully evaded Mewtwo by going into his 2-D mode, but he was beginning to worry that Mewtwo could read his thoughts.

And…was that a telltale sign of a floating Pokemon? He blipped into his flatness.

Peach walked into the room and saw a disembodied shadow on the floor. She proceeded to scream and run around with her hands flailing around her.

Link, hearing this commotion, walked in with his sword drawn. "What's the matter?" he asked the distraught princess. Unfortunately, she didn't hear him or even notice his presence. Instead, she whacked him across the face with one of her crazed arms, causing him to stumble into the table and bang his head.

"And it's minus one stock for Link" Master Hand cackled over the intercom. Link shot an angry gaze at the ceiling before passing out.

GW took this opportunity to make a quiet getaway before he, too, was hit by the panicking Peach.

* * *

Ganondorf sat in his room, reading The Best Book of Dark Magic Ever Written, a collection of spells made by great-great-great grandfather. Every now and then he would look up, see Captain Falcon's empty bed, and sigh in contentment.

"Let's see…I wonder if there is a way to curse machinery? No, he wouldn't have known what robots were…I suppose I won't be cursing Amelia, anyway…" he frowned. While many of these spells were interesting, most of them were extremely impractical. One of the stranger ones he had seen was "IlikepuddingIlikeSkittlessendthisfluffballbacktotherealworldbecauseIsaidso" which allegedly sent light round objects back to the real world from a spiritual plane. Who would ever _use_ something like that?

There was a light tap on the door. "Come in!" he called.

Roy appeared in the doorway. "What's up?" he asked.

"I've found a spell that gives you every malady that begins in the letter X," Ganondorf said.

"Hah!" Roy laughed. "What use is that? I didn't even know there were any."

"There could be," Ganondorf answered, "but you'd think he could have at least made it M or T. Or something."

"Listen…" Roy began. "I'm just curious, but...do you think that, since you and Nabooru aren't going out anymore…do you think I could hook her up with someone?"

Ganondorf stared at the redhead. "I suppose," he responded, "but I must warn you that they will die horrible deaths within one week of them coming into contact with her."

"…oh." Roy scratched the back of his head. "Okay, then. I'll have to find someone else…" He turned and left the room.

"He says that like Nabooru hasn't gotten engaged by now…" Ganondorf muttered before returning to his book.

* * *

Samus and Young Link were in the hangar, working on Amelia. So far, Amelia was starting to look a lot like a human – she had a face and something that resembled a body, although she still generally looked like assorted wires.

"I think we need to add more coolant around her flamethrowers," Samus said. "With what she has now, she might overheat and start melting her arm off."

Young Link handed her a tube of Portable Coolant, which she began to spray in the chamber.

"It's amazing how Amelia can defy the space-time continuum and all of the laws of mass," Young Link said. He smiled and patted his creation.

"I still don't understand how you got her to have an auto-response feature," the bounty hunter said wistfully. "I never could get my ship to do anything like that…"

Young Link looked at the clock hanging over the entrance. 11:14.

"Wow, I need to go to sleep," he said. "I want to be up early enough to have some of Peach's potato and egg tacos."

Samus stood up. "Yeah, I should go, too. Man…I really don't want to go to that horrible pink zone…"

* * *

Peach and Bowser sat in the den. So far, their unofficial date was a success – he had even held the door open for her! She considered asking him where he had learned manners, but then realized how incredibly rude and un-princess-like that would be.

"Oh, I love this part!" she said, snuggling up next to the dragony turtly king. He smiled and attempted to put his arm around her, but it had fallen asleep and was too difficult to move.

Mewtwo chose this moment to float in. When he saw the couple, however, he made a retching noise and quickly retreated.

"Why must they be so _cute_?" he growled as he rounded the corner to the arcade, where he saw the Ice Climbers playing.

"Who's cute?" Popo asked.

"Peach and the uber-dino," Mewtwo snapped.

"Oh…yeah, I don't know what to make of them…" Nana said. "I wonder what made her change her mind about him, anyway?"

"Who knows?" Mewtwo answered. "I'm not willing to find out, at any rate." He then floated over to his computer to update his black market website.

* * *

GW scampered down the hall, his paranoia forcing him to remain 2-D at all times. He wasn't sure what to do anymore – that Pokemon was everywhere!

Fortunately, his problem was solved for him in the form of a bizarre noise – the noise of a summoner summoning a summon!

Suddenly, Crystal King from Paper Mario appeared, complete with the Annoying Crown of Painful Landings and his own, personal theme song! He chuckled as he shot several Ice Polygons of Little Use at GW, who could not dodge them in his current form.

"Beebeebeebee!" GW cried as he disappeared.

* * *

When GW came to, he was surrounded by the dead Smashers. All except DK, at any rate.

"Beep?" he asked tentatively.

"Hey," Ness whispered. "DK went crazy with the rocket launcher, and we're coming up with a plan to get it away from him. He's in a craze kind of like the one we go into when we pick up those hammers." He gestured through a hole in the wall, which GW looked through.

DK was blasting stuff. Lots of stuff. Unfortunately for the Smashers, one of his shots hit the blast doors…

Captain Falcon leapt through. "LA LA LA LA LALALALALALALA!" he shouted.

"…was that his theme song?" Zelda asked, a horrified look on her face.

"Yes. In _La_." Falco grunted, a similar expression on his own face.

They all suddenly broke out in smiles as DK, in his terror, unleashed the rest of the rockets on the bounty hunter.

* * *

And that's Chapter 13.

Will the Smashers ever get rid of Captain Falcon? Do Peach and Bowser have a future besides arm fatigue? Will Samus survive the Pink Zone? We'll see…

Valete!


	14. Cupcakes Are Not Croissants

Samus braced herself as she stood before the bedroom door. "I don't want to face that pink again…" she whispered to herself.

Finally, she managed to reach forward and turn the handle. She inched it open…

"Oh…"

The room had been painted orange with sections of brown! And, lying on Peach's bed and grinning at Samus, was the Gerudo King.

"Did you do this?" she asked him incredulously.

"Well, yeah," he said, still smiling. "I know how much you hate this room, and I thought I'd make it more tolerable."

Samus gave him the most lovesick gaze he had ever seen. She then ran forward and gave him the most forceful hug he had ever experienced.

"Can't…br…eethe…" he choked. She let go of him, but in her unrestrained happiness, ended up choking him again.

* * *

Peach stormed into Bowser's room, interrupting his game of darts. "That…evil…stinking…rotten…ugly…UURRGHHH!" She let out a very un-princess-like growl. "That stupid man painted my room ORANGE! There will be no forgiveness!"

Bowser blinked at her. "Who whatted?"

She stared at him for a moment, finally managing to calm herself. "Ganondorf has painted my bedroom orange to please Samus. We must punish him by formulating one of our super secret plans and unleashing it on him while he sleeps."

Bowser grinned. "I like where this is going…hey, let's paint _him_ pink!"

Peach cocked her head. "That's a brilliant idea!" she said, nodding in a lopsided way since her head was still cocked.

"What are we going to do to Samus?" the dragon king asked.

"Nothing. This isn't her fault. Besides, she's my friend, and I have to handle this responsibly."

Bowser nodded. "Okay, then."

* * *

Meanwhile, outside Bowser's bedroom door, two figures stood still.

"Amelia," Young Link commanded, "fire a tracking device onto Bowser's shell."

"Affirmative," she responded quietly (he had lowered her volume before the espionage quest). She raised her right leg until her foot was pointing at Bowser, and then fired a small metal object onto his shell.

"Excellent! Now, time for phase two!" He ran off for his own bedroom, Amelia following after him.

* * *

Link sat in a chair next to his desk. He was writing a love letter to Zelda, but he had no idea what to say. He wanted to say something about her beautiful blonde hair, but what if she had lost it by the time they met once more? He wanted to tell her how much he loved her dresses, but what if she remembered the "incident" with those? He sighed. Nothing to do, nothing to say…

He never noticed the tracking device land on his back. He did, however, hear Young Link's incessant peals of laughter.

He quickly stood and charged at the door. Young Link was there, and…who was the hot chick standing next to him?

"Who are you?" he asked.

"I am Amelia," she responded dully. "Would you like a croissant?" Her abdomen opened, revealing a fresh-baked cupcake.

"Yeah, I'm really going to have to work on that food synthesizer…anyway! You, Adult Link, have been bugged! I can now strike you without warning! I can now-"

Link took this moment to ready a Tranquilizer Arrow and fire it at his young self.

"You have attacked my master," Amelia said in her monotone. "Tranquilization is a level-three offense. The punishment for a level-three offense is…" Clicking noises. "Three hours of Plasma Cannon attacks. Commencing reprimand…"

Her abdomen opened again, revealing a very large cannon. Link gulped and ran away.

"Two hours and fifty-nine minutes remaining…" Amelia droned as she followed him down the hall, leaving scorch marks in her wake.

* * *

The Ice Climbers traipsed down the hall, batting a freezie at each other.

"Hey, Nana…" Popo asked as he lobbed the ice figure over a chandelier. "What do you think about Young Link?"

"What do you mean?" Nana responded. She swung her hammer at the freezie, just barely hitting it through a window. "Whoops…"

"You know…what Fox was saying about the killer robot he's building. You think it's true?"

Nana stared at him in confusion. "I thought he told us that that was true…"

"When did he say that?" Popo asked.

"Remember? We walked in on him tearing Fox's Arwing apart."

"Oh, right."

They continued down the hall. As they rounded a corner, they saw…

"Mwahaha!" Crystal King laughed. "The fool forgot to unsummon me! Now I can plague this mansion!" He created more of his Ice Polygons of Little Use.

"You call _that_ an ice cube?" Popo challenged.

Crystal King whirled around. "How dare you impugn me!" he growled. He fired the crystals at the children, who danced around them with ease. Popo then threw his hammer in a boomerang motion, knocking the villain's crown off.

"No!" he cried. He threw himself on the floor and began to sob. "Someone with better ice skills than me!" He then opened a portal back to his realm and leapt through.

"That was fun!" Nana exclaimed. "I hope we meet him again."

* * *

In a far away land that none of the Smashers had ever heard of called Goldoa, there is a big freaking castle than no one knows about called Castle Eltatia. In the throne room of Castle Eltatia…

"What an excellent idea…" a robed man said. "I must ensure that Crystal King returns to the house…"

* * *

Luigi walked down the hallway, nodding his head in tune to "Going Under" by Evanescence. He would occasionally stop to play air guitar. At one of these times, Mewtwo floated by and gave him a look of utter disgust.

"What?" Luigi asked as the Pokemon continued on.

"You are an imbecile," he responded as he rounded the next corner.

"…What's an imbecile?" Luigi wondered aloud. He shrugged and continued down the hallway. As he passed the hangar…

"YES! I have finally calibrated the corporeal distiller!"

Luigi furrowed his brow. A what huh?

He finally reached his bedroom. While it had been nice to have a roommate, he had gotten quite used to life without Ness. "I hope this contest ends soon," he said to himself. "It's getting kind of boring…"

"What's getting boring?" Marth asked as he walked by.

"This contest," Luigi repeated.

"Mmm. I wish it would end soon too, but for different reasons." Marth nodded to the plumber, and then continued down the hall.

"…nobody makes sense anymore…" Luigi lamented.

* * *

Roy sat in the foyer, waiting for Marth to show up so they could have one of their regularly scheduled duels. He had gone to ask Link and Young Link if they wanted to watch, but Young Link had been tranquilized and Link had…problems…with a crazy robot.

"Where is he?" Roy asked the empty room.

"I don't know," the room responded. "Let me ask the hangar."

Roy's right eye twitched. What had just happened? The answer came in the form of Master Hand laughing over the intercom.

"Stupid possessed glove…" he muttered. And then, "DANGER DANGER DANGER!"

He flew out of his chair and ran for the doors, which slammed shut as he got to them. He turned around and examined the room, but no one was in there.

_Great…_ he thought. _I'm trapped in a room with a Psycho Killer._

Suddenly Athos appeared! "Just joking," the psychotically old mage chuckled. "Go on about your business." The doors opened, causing Roy to stumble backward.

"I thought he was dead," Roy said as the wizard vanished.

* * *

"What are we going to do?" Falco asked. The group had sent Captain Falcon away to collect ten pounds of dust for "an experiment" so that they could find a way to get rid of him permanently.

"I think I might be able to freeze him somehow…" Zelda offered. "It'd be easier if Link was here, though."

"Crud! I was thinking about asking Paula to teach me that..." Ness moaned. "Oh well. I can blind him if you want…"

"Boom boom?" DK whimpered. Zelda had destroyed the rocket launcher with a well-timed Din's Fire, but that meant that they now had to rely on their own strength to get through obstacles.

"Shut it!" Mario yelled.

"You forgot your phony accent," Ness said dryly.

"…"

"If I got the proper mixture of chlorine and bromine, I could create a sleeping pill," Dr. Mario said. "Well, I think I can. It might be an explosive, actually…"

"That works too…" Zelda said.

"Beep!" GW amended.

"Pika!" Pikachu added.

* * *

Fox walked to the hangar to once again cry over his destroyed Arwing.

"Why?" he cried, putting his left paw over his heart. "Why did we have to be separated so soon? I miss you so! I would destroy the scoundrel who treated you so unfairly!"

We don't know what the rest of his speech was, though, because the Psycho Killer chose that moment to cast Elfire on him.

"Ouch!" he yelped as he disappeared.

* * *

Fox is down...and it turns out that Marth was right about the malevolent being!

Will Captain Falcon ingest an explosive? Will Luigi ever figure out what's going on? Why do people keep attacking Roy? More…in the next chapter (or later)!


	15. Chlorine and Bromine

Master Hand floated around the Voyeurism Room of the real Smash Manor, watching his "pets" wander around hopelessly. He did his infamous Evil Laugh as a dimensional tear opened up and a horde of angry Vikings attacked Peach. Unfortunately for his good mood, Peach used her B-Forward attack, causing the leader to fly backwards and slam into the wall. They then fled back through the dimensional tear.

"Why do bad things always happen to me?" Master Hand yelled into the camera.

Roy looked up from his Better Swords and Potions magazine. "Because you're evil," he said nonchalantly. He then tossed the magazine aside and began rummaging around for another one.

Master Hand stared at the camera for a few seconds, and then realized that he had accidentally hit the SPEAK button.

"Yeah? Well you're a sad little hero next to your father!" the hand retorted.

Roy looked back up. "_Duh_," he answered. "My dad's like, awesome, and stuff."

Master Hand punched the camera, causing a giant splinter to form in his index knuckle. He then looked over to the camera that showed the girl's room.

"Huh?" he wondered aloud. "When did the girl's room turn grown and orange?" He floated over to it and examined the room more closely.

"Three cheers for Ganondorf, king of the Gerudo!" Samus yelled into the camera. Peach sat on her bed, sulking.

"…what?" Master Hand inquired.

"I'm not telling you! You put us in here, you stupid mutant!"

Master Hand cackled. "Well, if you insist on your cruelty…ROSES!"

The girl's room turned pink once again. Peach flew off of the bed and began dancing, occasionally stumbling over her dress.

Samus glared into the camera, and then stormed out of the room.

* * *

Marth sat in the bathtub, trying to relax after a particularly taxing duel with Link (Roy had hurt his wrist earlier, for some unfathomable reason). His muscles were sore, and his head hurt, and he was just sick and tired of having to deal with those stupid hands! He laid his head back and groaned.

Suddenly the door flew open and Samus strode in. Marth quickly sat up, spraying water all over the floor.

"Roy told me that you have a plan to overthrow the Hands," Samus said coolly. "I want to help you any way I can. I can probably convince Young Link and Ganondorf to help out, too, and Young Link has a overpowered robot."

Marth pulled himself to the rim. "What…what…WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU _DOING_ IN HERE?"

Samus stared at him, apparently oblivious to his query. "Well?" she asked.

Marth made several attempts to speak, all of which failed him. Finally, he said, "What made you decide to help out, anyway? What could have been so important that you had to barge in on me while I'm in the bathroom!"

She stared at him. "He made our room pink again." She then turned on her heel and left.

"…What a whackjob," Marth muttered to himself as he got up and locked the door.

* * *

Bowser walked into the kitchen, hoping to find his new girlfriend so that they could set up a date. Instead…

"Mewtwo?"

The cat-like Pokemon was sitting under the sink, curled up into a ball. Bowser walked forward, but was knocked out of the room by a forcefield.

"I'm sleeping, you dolt!" Mewtwo growled, narrowly opening one eye to glare at the Koopa king. "Go somewhere else to find your pretty little girl."

"Wow. What a grouch," Bowser mumbled. He fled the room as a hail of plasma shot at him.

_Well, that was annoying_, Mewtwo beamed to Ness. _These Smashers are such imbeciles._

_Don't go to hard on him,_ Ness sent back. _After all, the kitchen is Peach's favorite room, right? Well, besides her bedroom, anyway. _

Mewtwo grunted.

_Listen…we're trying to come up with a plan to get rid of Captain Falcon. Dr. Mario said that if he had the right combination of Bromine and Chlorine, he can make a sleeping pill and/or high-yield explosive. Do you think you can get us some?_

_That's not even black market stuff. I can get you that, easy. Free of charge._

_Really? That's awesome! Thanks._

Mewtwo stood up and floated out of the room to go order some chlorine and bromine.

* * *

Luigi walked down the hallway, nodding his head to the tune of "My Last Breath" by Evanescence. Every now and then he would stop to play air guitar. At one of these points, Mewtwo floated by him.

"…Unreal…" he growled as he floated past.

"What's unreal?" Luigi asked. When Mewtwo didn't respond, he shrugged his shoulders and continued forward. As he rounded a corner, Kirby passed by.

"Hi Luigi! What…are you having a seizure?" Kirby asked worriedly.

"No!" Luigi said, mortified. "I'm jamming to a song!"

"Oh…uh, alright then." Kirby looked around. "Did Mewtwo just come through here?"

Luigi nodded. "He went that way."

"Thanks!" Kirby said. He then ran down the corridor.

* * *

Yoshi, Pikachu, Pichu, and Jigglypuff sat in a small antechamber of the Handy Food Making Plant.

"Jiggly?" Jigglypuff asked.

"Pi. PIPIPI PICHU!" Pichu responded adamantly.

"Yoshi Yoshi." Yoshi added.

"Pika…" Pikachu lamented.

Zelda walked in. After a few seconds of listening in, a question mark bubble appeared over her head. She turned and walked back out of the room.

"What's going on?" she asked DK.

"Boom machine. DK WANT BOOM MACHINE!" DK cried out.

"…alright, then." She continued on to Ness and Falco.

"What's going on?" she asked the two Smashers.

"We're still waiting for Dr. Mario and Mario to finish their concoction…" Ness grumbled. "It's been two days! Captain Falcon isn't going to wait forever…"

Captain Falcon ran over. "Are you talking about my incredibly pronounced muscles?" he asked.

Ness raised a hand to his mouth. "Must…not…ugh…" He ran off to another room, where strong vomiting noises could be heard.

"He must've eaten something," the bounty hunter said as he walked away.

* * *

Luigi walked into his bedroom, taking great care to avoid the lamp that had killed Ness so long ago. He strode over to his bed, and bent over to examine it. There was a small note in it that said…

_I heard you like music. How would you like an electric guitar?_

He slowly rose back up. As he turned around, a guitar flew into his face, knocking him to the ground. As he pushed himself back up, he felt a surge of lightning go through his body. He then vanished, a cloud of smoke rising from where he had been.

* * *

Alright! Chapter 15 is done! If you've played EarthBound, you may be familiar with an enemy that was an electric guitar…

Yeah. Kudos to the reviewers!

Valete.


	16. Incredible Toaster Powers

Blargh. It's been SO long since I updated. So I thought, "Well, get on your lazy butt and write!" So I am. My mother has gotten herself a job, so I won't be able to update quite as often (since I can't drive myself home)…Only ten or so chapters left! Well, I think. But then there's the potential sequel, also…hmm. Well, we'll see!

Oh, and I don't own _Rat Race_. Oh, well.

* * *

Roy wandered the house, searching for his fellow swordsmen. He hadn't seen Marth in a few days, which was rather unusual; he hadn't been in his room, or the foyer, or the arcade…

"Looking for something?" a sweet voice called out. He turned his head and saw Peach and Bowser approaching him.

"Actually, I'm trying to find Marth," Roy responded. "Have either of you seen him lately?"

"Nope," Bowser said. "Last time I saw him he was dueling Mewtwo over a box of Goldfish."

Peach brushed her hair back. "Now that you mention it, he hasn't been coming to meals lately. I wonder where he's gone?"

Roy shrugged. "I'll keep looking. Thanks, anyway." He turned around and continued down the hall toward the living room.

Peach looked at Bowser. "Come to think of it, I haven't seen Young Link in a long time, either…"

* * *

Donkey Kong stood underneath a large red doorway. The Renegades (as they had finally decided to call themselves) had been getting closer to the Smash Mansion proper, though they were still around ten levels below the surface. He let out a whimper. He had been having a lot of trouble with his Boom Thing Withdrawal. Oh, how he missed it! He would give anything to just get his hands on a weapon…

He looked around the room, taking in his surroundings. As he did, a smile spread across his face.

The door across from him was labeled "High-Yield Explosives and Lon Lon Milk Storage".

Luigi and Zelda walked in behind him. "Oh, no…" the Hylian gasped.

DK tore across the room and threw the door open. Inside was a horde of grenades, rockets, and to top it off, another grenade launcher. There were also several cows standing around doing nothing.

The grin across DK's face grew even wider. He reached for a grenade, which made Zelda panic. Unfortunately, she did something rather idiotic in her panic…

"Din's fire!" she screeched. She shot her hand at the large ape, hoping that her attack would stun him. Instead, it hit the grenade he was reaching for.

The grenade exploded, causing another grenade to explode, causing another grenade to explode, causing another grenade to explode, causing a cow to MOOOO loudly. DK was thrown out of the room with several small fires breaking out across his fur.

"I got it!" Luigi called. He whipped out his vacuum and sucked all of the oxygen out of the area, putting out the fire.

DK began to weep openly. Zelda rolled her eyes and walked out of the room.

A few minutes later a bunch of black-haired guys ran in!

"We. Are. Morphs," one of them said. "You. Will. Be. Punished. For. Your. Annoyance. Who. Is. Responsible. For. This. Disturbance?"

Captain Falcon then entered the room. "Zelda's ignoring me!" he whined. "She's been brushing off all of my indecent advances!"

Luigi and DK both pointed to the bounty hunter. All of the morphs then turned to face him.

"Come. Along," the morph droned.

"Where are we going?" Falcon asked.

"He giving free cookies!" DK exclaimed.

Captain Falcon began jumping up and down while clapping his hands together. "YAY! I love cookies! Especially Thin Mints!" The morphs grabbed his arms and led him out of the room.

"…I guess that's one way to get rid of him…" Luigi said.

* * *

Young Link, Ganondorf, and Samus stood around the "sleeping" Amelia. Ganondorf was holding Samus close to him, while Young Link desperately tried not to gag.

"Well, I guess it's time to go to sleep," Samus said. "I'm off to Candy Land…" She let out a sigh and walked out of the hangar. Ganondorf yawned and gave Young Link a wave, and then followed her out.

Young Link bent over and continued his work. Amelia's food dispenser was still malfunctioning, although he had managed to fix most of the bugs. At present, the only major problem was her Spirit Sensor, although he wasn't quite sure how to handle that problem. The only real solution he could think of so far was to ask Ganondorf to perform some magic on it…

There was a brief creaking noise. Young Link looked over to the hangar door. There, unsuccessfully hiding behind it, was Link. He grinned and pulled out his sword.

Link stepped out from behind his cover and charged at his younger self. The two got into a fight, desperately trying to defeat each other.

As the battle raged, a red-haired swordsman walked in. "Uh…is this a bad time?" he asked. Neither of the Links answered him, naturally. He shrugged and walked back out.

* * *

As the clock struck eleven thirty, a small pink object walked into the pantry. It was common knowledge that the pantry restocked at midnight, so he went in a few minutes earlier to eat whatever was there.

"Let's see…" he muttered to himself. "Pop-tarts…egg rolls…that really spicy green stuff that Marth got me to eat once…BREAD! Oh, yes!" He opened wide and inhaled the entire package, not bothering to take off the plastic cover.

Suddenly he gained a new power! TOASTER KIRBY!

"…Wow. How useless." He griped. He released the power back into it's basic star form and left the room. As he left, he bumped into Mewtwo.

"Hi, Mewtwo!" he called. "What are you doing here?"

Mewtwo glared at him. "I'm hungry," he said deliberately.

"Oh, yeah. Well, g'night!" the puffball called cheerfully. He floated back towards his room, leaving the PokeDiety alone.

Mewtwo turned and entered the pantry. He picked up the Toaster Essence that Kirby had discarded and began to examine it.

"Hmm…this may be an interesting source of power…" he said to himself.

* * *

Captain Falcon looked around at the morphs. So far, his attempts to engage in conversations about his muscles or his intense sexiness had proved futile; apparently these people were too awestricken to talk to him. He smiled to himself, as he usually did whenever he thought that his subordinates were showering him with gifts.

"So how far is it to the cookies?" he asked. His request was, as usual, met with silence.

He pursed his lips. _This had better be good…_he thought.

* * *

Peach and Bowser sat in the living room, on yet another one of their dates. The Ice Climbers walked in, saw them together, and fled.

"Oh, this is my favorite part!" Peach exclaimed. She pointed at the screen, which showed the infamous "You should have bought a squirrel" scene from _Rat Race_. Bowser grinned and snuggled with her, causing several readers to vomit into the nearest trash can.

Suddenly, the power went out! Bowser groaned and stood up. "Hold on, I'll go check the fuse box." He lumbered out of the room, somehow managing to trip over the doorway.

Peach lay back in the sofa, waiting for the king's triumphant return. "Such a perfect match, really. King and queen!" she exclaimed.

She waited for ten minutes. When the power didn't return, she decided to go and check the television itself.

"Hmm…nothing looks wrong…" she muttered to herself. Of course, she didn't know anything about technology, but that's beside the point.

She stood up and turned around, just in time to see the Ridiculously Overpowered Vegetable fly at her. She let out a shriek as it slammed into her face, and then disappeared.

* * *

And that's chapter…what is this? Sixteen? (Consults notes) Be prepared for Marth's return and the fate of Captain Falcon! Mwahaha…

Valete!


	17. The Irrelevant Adventures of Roy

Mewtwo hovered in the living room, staring at the TV. The image of a skeleton holding a bag of squirrel food had been burned onto the screen ever since Peach's death. He stared at it coldly. "I will destroy the squirrels and their evil mistress…" he whispered to himself.

Roy walked up behind him. "Yeah…" he said, "You see, that lady isn't real…"

Mewtwo glared at the redhead. "Don't you have somewhere you need to be?" he growled.

Roy stared at him, apparently not understanding the threat. "I'm going to ask Young Link something. Do you know where he is?"

Mewtwo rolled his eyes and threw Roy out of the room in the general direction of the hangar.

"Thanks!" Roy called back to the living room. He turned around and walked through the hangar doors.

Young Link looked up at him. As usual, he was working on Amelia. "Hi, Roy," the boy drawled.

"Have you been sleeping at all?" Roy asked, concerned.

"Sleep?" Young Link looked at Roy in confusion. "What's that?"

_That's pretty bad…_Roy thought. "Hey, can Amelia find Marth for me?"

Young Link blinked. "Yeah…hold on…" He pressed a button on Amelia's forehead. A hologram of the world appeared above her face, slowly zooming in until it showed the attic.

"The attic? Why would Marth be there?" Roy muttered to himself. He looked at Young Link. "Well, thanks."

"Mmm." Young Link murmured. He reached into Amelia's stomach and pulled out a cup of coffee. "Good luck and a Merry New Thanksgiving."

Roy shook his head and walked out of the room, heading toward the attic. As he went, he passed by Samus' bedroom.

"You're sure that Master Hand won't just repaint it again?" Ganondorf asked.

"He won't," Samus answered. "Not as long as I don't talk to him."

Roy peered inside the room. Sure enough, they were painting it brown and orange again.

"Nice," he commented. Samus flashed him a brief smile and then returned to her work.

He wandered into the dining room. As he passed the kitchen, he heard a small ruckus.

"That's not how you make chicken pot pie!" Nana yelled.

"I thought we were making pizza…" Kirby said.

"Ohhhh…that explains why you put ketchup in it. How are we going to get it off?" Popo asked.

"There's no way to get ketchup off of bread!" Nana griped. Roy heard a loud thunk, and then the girl stormed out of the kitchen. Popo followed after her, holding his hand up to his forehead.

"Nana, wait! We have to find a way to feed everybody!" he called.

"I know! I'm ordering Chinese!" she screeched.

Roy quickly fled the dining room, praying that the angry ice-based character wouldn't follow. He finally reached the attic stairway, and went inside.

Marth looked up at him from the history book he was absorbed in. "Hey," he greeted.

"What are you doing?" Roy asked.

"I'm researching all of the possible candidates for the villain that is controlling Master Hand." Marth lowered his book and showed Roy an illustration of an unkempt man in a grey robe, wearing a rather haughty expression on his face. "So far he's the prime candidate."

Roy looked at it. "That's Captain Falcon!" he yelled.

Marth narrowed his eyes. "And who is Captain Falcon dressed up as?"

Roy studied the picture for a few seconds. "Uh…I dunno," he admitted.

Marth's face fell. "Crud. I was hoping that you knew his name…" He looked at it again. "Anyway, I think he seems like a good Evil Person."

Roy bit his lip. "You think that he's our guy because he looks evil?"

Marth stared at Roy. "Yes."

"…oh. Okay. Anyway, have you eaten recently?"

"Yeah, yeah," Marth groaned. "I'll come out tonight, okay?"

Roy groaned and left the room.

* * *

Captain Falcon sat in his cell. It was rather small, at one foot by seven feet, but he was able to squeeze inside okay. The leader had told him that he had to stay for ten years. Apparently these people took quite a while to bake cookies.

One of the other morphs came to the door. "It. Is. Time. For. Your. Daily. Torture," he croaked. Captain Falcon sighed and allowed himself to be taken to the torture chamber.

Inside the chamber was…

* * *

"What the…" Sam shook her head in disbelief. "Dude, you can't put _that_ in a fanfic! That's disgusting!"

Kusabi Makabe looked down at the ground dejectedly.

"She's right, you know," Laura added. "I mean, this isn't one of your twisted fantasies…besides, I like Falcon."

Kusabi Makabe sighed in exasperation. "Fine! I'll change it!" He began retyping the scene, silently promising himself that he would never again let his friends proofread his work.

* * *

Captain Falcon sat on his cot in the cell, wondering aloud how long it would take him to get his chocolate chip cookies (it never occurred to him that the cookies could be peanut butter or possibly raisin). He occasionally stood up to practice his martial art skills on the wall. After a few seconds, a morph appeared, holding spaghetti on a silver platter.

"Your. Food." He said.

"Yay!" Captain Falcon screeched. He grabbed the noodles and began stuffing them into his mouth.

"You. Are. Really. Gross."

"I don't care what you think!" Captain Falcon retorted. "And when are those cookies going to be ready?"

The morph left without answering.

* * *

Link walked into the hangar. Though he knew the fight would be long, he _had_ to defeat the little demon! It would be epic! Glorious!

He tried to step inside, but realized that he couldn't. His feet…they were stuck to the ground! He looked down and saw that he was standing on an air vent.

He regained feeling in his legs. And, one millisecond later, fire shot out of the vent, crispifying the green-clad Hylian.

* * *

Yawn…I'm sleepy. Yes, I have two friends named Sam and Laura. No, they didn't proofread this.

A big thank you to all of my reviewers! I really appreciate the reviews – they make me feel warm and fuzzy. I always liked that phrase…

Valete!


	18. Fan Mail

**Kusabi Makabe: Hello, all! It's time for AN UPDATE! (Party Ball explodes) I know it's been a long, long time, but here it is.**

**Amelia: Please enjoy the show.**

**Young Link: …Uh, you were supposed to do the disclaimer.**

**Amelia: Excuse me. Kusabi Makabe does not own Atelier Iris: Eternal Mana. However he does highly recommend it to the general RAG public.**

**Kusabi Makabe (clutches forehead) RPG, Amelia…**

**Amelia: Excuse me. He does highly recommend it to the general RAG RPG.**

**Young Link: Hey, don't look at me. Ness did the voice programming…**

**

* * *

**

The mail room was packed, as usual. Kirby floated in and began reading his huge assortment of fan mail.

"Hmm…'Please eat a kangaroo.' I can manage that!" Kirby chirped. "This one says 'I hope you marry that cute little fairy girl.' Wow, didn't this guy hear that we're married already? Eh, anyway…'Enclosed, please find a plateful of sashimi'?" He studied his current parcel closely. "Hmm…looks more like tacos to me. I better not eat that."

Roy sauntered in at that moment. "Hey, tacos!" he exclaimed. He then gave Kirby an imploring look.

Kirby hesitated. "Well, you can eat them if you want, but-"

Roy immediately tossed the tacos down his throat. "Mmm! Tastes like sashimi!" he said contentedly.

"…Wow. And people think I eat fast." Kirby stared at the redhead. "Since when are you able to swallow food whole?"

"Eh, I'm feeling dragony today," Roy explained. He then went over to his pile of fan mail. "Whoa…this one guy wants to know my mother's phone number. And this one wants my dad's phone number. And this one wants Lilina's phone number…Man! Why does Marth get all the girls?" He sighed.

"What about those?" Kirby asked, pointing to a large pile of pink heart-shaped envelopes.

"Huh? Those are mine? SWEET!" Roy jumped up and began to flip through the mail.

Kirby continued reading. "Hey, do you think I should respond to this one?" Kirby asked.

"Let me see…" Roy took the letter from Kirby's hand and began to read.

_Dear Kirby,_

_Hi! Meow name is Norn. I just wanted to write to you meow and tell you that I think it's SO COOL that you can eat three cakes in one second! I have a friend who has a whole lot of sweets, if you want me to introduce you two, meow._

_Gotta go. You're the coolest, meow!_

_Norn_

"…Wow." Roy raised his eyebrows. "Uh…she's a cat."

"So?" Kirby retorted. "Cats have food!"

Roy thought for a minute. "Well, I guess you can if you want. I mean, it's not like she's asking you out, right?"

"OR IS SHE?" Crazy Hand asked over the intercom.

"SHUT UP!" everyone in the mansion yelled.

* * *

Young Link, Ganondorf, Samus, and Amelia stood in the living room.

"Wow. That sounds really embarrassing…" Samus said.

"I do not understand what you are talking about," Amelia droned.

"I think she's talking to me," Young Link told her. "And yes, it was embarrassing…well, mostly. Things got better when Saria got my pants back."

"You asked a woman to get your pants from that kid?" Ganondorf asked, laughing. "I bet you never heard the end of that."

"Actually, no…" Young Link said. "Man, I miss Saria. I wonder when we're getting out of here?"

"Eight weeks, right?" Samus said. "And still nobody knows who the killer is…"

"I believe that the Psycho Killer is Roy of Pherae." Amelia commented.

"Really?" Ganondorf asked. "What makes you say that?"

"He has nearly died twice thus far, correct? It is safe to assume that he is attacking himself in order to divert attention from himself."

Young Link raised his hand to his chin. "Interesting…I think it's Marth, myself. Who else would have so much trouble getting by Roy?"

"I dunno…" Samus said. "Marth would probably save Roy for last, don't you think?"

Mewtwo floated in, the Ice Climbers following closely behind him. "We have to do something about the television," he grunted. "I want to watch my show."

Amelia strode over to the broken TV and began to hum. Within seconds, it was operational.

Mewtwo stared at the robot. "That was amazing," he purred.

"Whoa! There are little hearts appearing over his head!" Young Link exclaimed.

Amelia turned and faced Mewtwo. "I hope that you find this satisfactory," she said. "I must return to the hangar to recharge. Is that acceptable, Master?"

"Yeah, sure," Young Link answered.

Mewtwo's gaze followed her out of the room.

* * *

"Ah, finally!" Zelda cried. "We're back to the Manor!"

It had taken them a long time, but they had finally made it out of the Handy Food Making Plant. Donkey Kong had managed to blow a giant hole in the wall, and they had dug their way out from there.

"Tell me about it," Ness added. "I can't wait to see Paula again."

They walked through the front doors and walked back into their respective rooms.

* * *

"Hello?" Captain Falcon yelled. "Where is everybody?"

The morph standing guard looked at him balefully. "Please stop. You are annoying."

The captain sat back down and fumed on his cot.

* * *

The Ice Climbers and Marth sat in the living room, watching "Fellowship of the Ring" on their newly-fixed television. The Ice Climbers had spent every second of the movie commentating on what they thought should or should not have happened, or what was _so cool_, or how much they loved Orlando Bloom (Nana) and Liv Tyler (Popo).

"AARGH!" Marth screamed, clutching his hair. "I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!" He charged out of the room.

Nana stared at Popo. "That was weird…" she said.

They continued to watch the movie. As they watched, a small red dot appeared on the back of Popo's hood. A few seconds later, a shot was fired.

"Huh?" Nana asked. She began to turn to face Popo, but vanished before she could see.

* * *

And that's chapter eighteen! In case your wondering, Nana vanished with Popo because that's what happens in the game – the PK didn't do a "double kill" or anything like that…

Hope you liked it! I don't know when the next update will be (like usual), so…see you then!

Valete.


	19. The Captain's Triumphant Return

The hangar was empty. A large beam of sunlight poured in through the window, falling on Amelia's shiny frame. All was quiet.

"WHEEEE!" Kirby shouted as he shot through the room on his Warp Star.

It was quiet again.

Mewtwo slowly floated into the room, showing a near reverence for the machine in front of him. He stood before her for five minutes before reaching forward and activating her. Her eyes fluttered open – one of Young Link's more recent additions was proper eyelids.

"What do you require?" Amelia asked. She turned her neck to stare at him.

Several choices popped into Mewtwo's head: _You, Toaster Powers,_ and _Milk_.

"Uh…Milk?" he muttered.

Amelia opened her stomach and pulled out a jug of Hyrule's Very Finest Milk. This is the only milk I am able to produce," she said. "I hope you find it satisfactory."

Mewtwo's heart fluttered. _I can't believe I've gone and fallen in love with a robot,_ he thought.

"Do you need anything else? I must return to my regeneration soon."

Mewtwo blinked. "Why did you wake up, then?"

"I have been programmed to wake up every time something enters a fifty yard radius, so that I can have time to evade attacks. When I saw that it was you, however, I shifted to Help Phase."

Mewtwo hesitated. "…Perhaps I'll see you later, then," he finally forced out.

"I look forward to it." Amelia returned to her former position and fell back asleep.

Mewtwo continued to stand over her, watching her. During this time, Bowser walked in.

"That was _so _sad," he said. "Haven't you ever hit on a girl before?"

Mewtwo sighed. "No."

"No?" Bowser yelled. "Wow…how can you not have hit on a girl before? Aren't you, like, a Pokemon god? Don't you have Mewtettes throwing themselves at you all the time?"

"I do not," he answered.

Bowser shook his head and left the room. As he walked, he was hit by a sudden impact.

"Will you watch were you're going on thatthing?" the dragonsaur yelled.

"Sorry…" Kirby muttered sheepishly as he climbed back onto the Warp Star.

* * *

Roy walked into his bedroom. He was tired, and Bowser had made his infamous black ham with black mashed potatoes and black carrot cake for dinner.

"Geez, what took you so long?" Marth demanded as soon as Roy opened the door. "I need to show this to you." He unfolded a scroll and showed Roy the picture on it. "This is a villain I found. Isn't she evil looking? Don't you think that maybe she could be our mean-spirited antagonist?"

Roy looked at the picture. "…That's my mom," he said darkly.

Marth looked at it. "Oh. Wrong one." He threw it aside and grabbed another one. "This is who I meant," he said.

Roy stared at it dubiously. "That's Sonia Reed," he said. "I _really_ think Sonia's dead…"

"Really?" Marth asked. "Oh, well. I think I'll just wait until the contest is over and then force the information out of Master Hand himself."

"Sounds good," Roy responded. "Assuming we ever get out of here."

Marth rolled his eyes and left the room.

* * *

Peach leaned back in her lawn chair and began flipping through her very favorite magazine, _Parasols Anonymous_. Zelda, Link, Ness, and Yoshi were swimming in the backyard pool.

"I missed this place so much… Zelda sighed contentedly. "It's great to be back, isn't it?"

"We never would have gotten here without Mewtwo," Ness pointed out. "On that note, how would you all feel about pitching in seven hundred of whatever currency you have to buy him a set of explosive soccer balls?"

"Sure," Peach and Zelda answered.

"Uh…" Link said. "Can I pay you in installments? 'Cause I only have five hundred rupees…"

Yoshi nodded emphatically.

"All right, then!" Ness exclaimed. "I think I can cover the other two hundred. My dad's pretty generous with my allowances, anyway." He pulled himself out of the pool. "I'm going to go ask Fox and Falco if they want to pitch in."

Peach put her magazine down and began to stretch. She looked off to the front yard.

"Oh, no…" she gasped.

A morph was walking toward them, Captain Falcon in tow.

The four Smashers froze, waiting for the morph to explain himself. When he finally arrived, he cleared his throat. "We are…unable…to continue…detaining…this…blight upon…humanity…" he said. "Please…take him back…"

Zelda began to cry softly.

"Uhhh…" Link racked his brains for a solution. "Okay. We'll take him back if you pay us thirty thousand dollars in small bills."

The morph was silent for a moment, and then a portal opened at his feet. There was a small humming sound, followed by thirty thousand dollars appearing in ones.

"Thank you…for your…cooperation…Please, feel…free to visit…" The morph vanished.

Captain Falcon looked at Peach. "Make me a hamburger," he demanded.

"No," she replied. She reached into the ground and pulled out a can of liquid nitrogen, which she then threw at the bounty hunter. There was a loud explosion, and then Captain Falcon ran away.

"Yoshi!" Yoshi exclaimed.

"I think that was worth our getting thirty thousand…" Zelda said.

* * *

The Ice Climbers stood in the kitchen, attempting to make Fettuccini Alfredo.

"I don't think that was right…" Nana said. "I'm pretty sure you were supposed to use three quarters instead of six eighths…"

"Nana, for the last time, THEY ARE THE SAME THING!" Popo yelled. He let out an exasperated sigh.

"…Popo?"

"What?"

"I think we should order Chinese again."

They two left the room and headed for the nearest telephone.

* * *

Fox and Falco sat in their Arwings, once again playing Save the Universe. Mario walked in while they began the fight with Andross.

"Excuse-a me!" he called. "I have a flyer-a to give to you all-a!" He extended his hand to the two pilots, who each grabbed a copy of the paper.

"Your favorite Italians will be starring in a Smash musical called…_Italians_." Falco stared at Mario in disbelief. "Please tell me you're not actually that stupid."

Mario jumped on Falco's head, rendering him unconscious. He then turned to Fox, awaiting his judgment.

"I think that's the most idiotic thing ever." Fox grunted. Mario tried to jump on Fox as well, but Fox activated his deflector shield, which sent Mario flying out of the hangar.

"_Italians_…that's so stupid…" Fox muttered as he reentered the Andross simulation.

* * *

Bowser and Ganondorf sat in the mail room, each reading their fan mail. Ganondorf was particularly pleased to get a letter from Nabooru, saying that she was glad he was with Samus and that she had found another cruel, heartless clod to date. Bowser, meanwhile, had gotten a letter from Kammy Koopa, who said she was going to curse him repeatedly for his betrayal.

Ganondorf stood up. "Well, I'm going to bed. See you later, Bowser."

Bowser grunted in response as the Gerudo walked out of the room. He continued flipping through his mail, wondering what else there was. As he dug deeper into his Big Pile 'O Mail, he saw a bizarre black envelope.

"Huh? What's this?" he said to himself. He opened it and read the letter. It was from a person named Soren, and was addressed to Marth. Bowser snorted. "Stupid mailman," he grumbled as he tossed that letter aside also.

When the letter hit the ground, it erupted into a ball of fire, immediately burning Bowser to atoms.

* * *

And thus ends…CHAPTER NINETEEN! I actually updated quickly…wow…

Bye, then!


	20. The Eating Contest

"I'm really bored," Kirby sighed to himself. "There has to be something interesting to do here!"

Mewtwo glared at him from across the table. "Will you shut up? I have to concentrate for this work!" He looked down and continued focusing his power into Kirby's Toaster Essence. Roy stood over the PokeIdol, watching intently.

"What are you doing?" Samus asked as she walked into the room.

"Mewtwo's trying to transfer Kirby's Toaster Essence into himself so that he can increase his Flirtation stat," Roy explained.

Mewtwo hissed and backhanded Roy. "Idiot!" he growled.

Samus began to laugh. "That is so _sad_!" she exclaimed. "Why don't you just get some pointers from Ganondorf? Or Roy, for that matter?" She pointed at the redhead.

The tension in the room began to build as the three stared at each other. Finally, Kirby broke the general mood by jumping on the table.

"I have an idea!" he yelled. Samus clapped her hands over her ears. Kirby ignored her and continued talking. "We should have…A CARROT EATING CONTEST!"

Mewtwo let out a very long sigh and then returned to his work.

"Can't it at least be something that we all like?" Roy asked. "How about cherry cobbler?"

Samus put her hand under her chin. "Maybe we can have an all-you-can-eat buffet or something," she mused. "You know, whoever eats the most wins, but we can eat whatever we want."

Kirby thought about it for a while. "Okay," he said. "I'll start cooking!" He immediately zipped into the kitchen.

"And I thought that little fool couldn't get any stranger," Mewtwo said. "Well, at least he gave me this." He waved his hand over the Toaster Essence.

"FUAHAHAHAHA!" Master Hand laughed over the comm. "You will never be able to get the robot!"

"Yeah, well your flirting is worse than Captain Falcon's!" Samus yelled up into the ceiling.

Kirby popped his head back outside. "Hey, are any of you vegetarians?"

Roy looked at him. "Peach is the only one, I think," he answered. "Why?"

"Just wanted to be sure," he said as he closed the door again.

"I think I'll go help him," Samus said. "I've been heralded as a pretty good cook."

Mewtwo snorted. "What did you make? Dung beetles?"

Samus cocked her head. "How'd you know that?" she asked.

The two stared at each other for several minutes while Roy fled for a trashcan.

* * *

Amelia and Marth stood on opposite ends of the hangar – or Arena, as Young Link was now calling it. 

"Ready?" Young Link asked.

"Just get on with it!" Marth retorted.

Young Link clapped his hands, and Amelia charged. Marth deftly evaded her attack, but was not able to land a clean hit on her.

"What's going on?" Roy asked as he walked in.

"Marth's trying to teach Amelia advanced fighting techniques," Young Link answered. "I'm not quite good enough to teach them to her just yet, so I asked Marth if he would."

"Why didn't you ask me?" Roy said. "I'm just as good, and I have dragon powers!"

Young Link kept looking at the fight. "I want her to learn how to fight opponents how stay as far away as they can with melee weapons," he said. "You have to get up close to do any damage."

Roy folded his arms. "Maybe she should learn how to beat TWO OPPONENTS AT ONCE!" He unsheathed his sword and jumped into the fray. Amelia immediately extended her left arm and fired a ball of electricity at Roy, who flew backward and slammed into the door.

Young Link grinned. "Excellent, Amelia!" he yelled.

* * *

Peach and Zelda sat in the ballroom, listening to _Seven Stars' Salute_ by Toadofsky. Zelda was reading a magic tome, while Peach browsed through Toad Magazine. 

"Hey, I heard that Bowser bought a huge chocolate mint for you," Zelda commented. "That's pretty cool."

Peach smiled. "Yeah…it's nice how he takes initiative. Definitely not like Mario."

Zelda looked over at her. "Speaking of taking initiative, I heard he also bought a huge book about planning weddings. Isn't that sweet?"

Peach's eyes lit up and she jumped out her chair. She began to sing.

_I'm singing a song!_

_For no apparent reason!_

_It's just something that happens_

_Every now and then!_

_I love small dogs and foxes!_

_Would you like a slice of pie?_

_Please, walk a while next to me-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e!_

At this point, the glass ceiling shattered, raining small shards down on the two girls. They both ran out of the room screaming.

"What's wrong?" Fox asked. "Did you two see a mouse?"

Zelda turned on him and planted a shoe in his face. "No, we did not see a mouse!" she yelled.

Yoshi rounded the corner, saw the two angry women standing over Fox, inhaled, and fled.

* * *

"Whoa!" Ganondorf exclaimed. 

The six non-puffball Smashers walked into the dining room and were met with quite a spectacle. Food was completely covering the table, and some was on a mat on the floor. Kirby was standing in the kitchen door, looking very pleased with himself.

"Let's EAT!" he yelled cheerfully.

Ganondorf immediately lunged for the meats section and dug ravenously into a piece of cucco. Marth followed closely behind, munching on a drumstick. Roy tiptoed over to the vegetables and began making a salad.

"What are you guys waiting for?" Samus asked. She leapt over to the desserts section and began to pig out on chocolate.

"I'd rather to this properly," Mewtwo muttered, sounding almost happy. He pounced over to the dairy and ripped into the cheese.

"Cool!" Young Link yelled. He also went to the veggies, but not before grabbing a Lon Lon Milk.

Kirby smiled at them all and then began to tear into the meat as well.

* * *

Bowser and Ness sat in the living room of the Smash Manor, watching cartoons. As they sat, Peach leapt gracefully inside. 

"Bowser!" she squeaked. "I'm euphoric!" She leapt on top of him and hugged him, somehow avoiding his spikes.

"Uh…good," he answered.

The Ice Climbers suddenly appeared. Each of them was holding an exclamation mark.

"What are those?" Ness asked.

"They're excit-o-matics!" Popo said. "We got them from Apple Kid for the low, low price of twenty dollars!"

"I love my excit-o-matic!" Nana yelled. "It makes me happy!"

Ness stared at them dubiously. "I'll have to talk to him about that…" he said. "Hey, you guys want a trout yogurt dispenser?"

"YAY!" they both cheered. They immediately ran off for Ness' room.

* * *

The still-competing Smashers sat in the dining room. Several morsels of food still remained scattered around, although they had managed to get through most of it. 

"I'm never (burp) doing this again (burp)," Marth said.

Mewtwo stared forlornly at the cheese in front of him. "I can't even raise it to my mouth," he groaned.

Kirby had fallen asleep and was currently snoring with his Sleepy Hat on.

Marth pushed himself off the ground. "If I'm going to feel this ill, I might as well go to sleep," he said. "Coming, Roy?"

Roy moaned. "I…I don't feel…"

His body began to stop moving, and then it turned blue. Samus let out a small gasp as the redhead's body was encased in ice. Then he vanished with the trademark puff of smoke.

"…Guess not," Marth said stupidly.

* * *

Luigi and Falco stood under the cherry tree in the Manor's courtyard. Roy had appeared at the top of the tree when he reappeared, and was currently clinging for dear life to its branches. 

"Just you watch," Falco growled. "Hyah!" He charged the tree and rammed it with his shoulder. Naturally, nothing happened.

Roy looked down nervously. "Will you guys hurry?" he asked. "I can't hold on much longer, and my dragon powers say I'll break one of my fingernails if I let go!"

Suddenly George Washington appeared! "I'll cut it down for you!" he cried. He pulled a Silver Axe from out of nowhere and began chopping it down.

"…Whoa," Falco said.

* * *

Yep. It's chapter twenty! In answer to Smashnbash's question, the "dead" Smashers return to the Smash manor in random locations (like on top of cherry trees). And stuff. Roy died because he ate a hidden freezie, BTW. In case you were wondering. 8 D 

Warm greetings to all readers! Warmer greetings to reviewers!

Bye, then.


	21. The Hidden Ant Pile

Pikachu and Jigglypuff walked through the Smash Manor, trying desperately to find a map. They had cooked up a plan to rescue the other Smashers from the Large Creepy Haunted House, but couldn't, since they had no idea where it was.

"Jiggly?" Jigglypuff squealed. She ran for a large bronze door and threw it open, revealing a very angry Lugia.

"Pikapi!" Pikachu shrieked. He fled back downstairs to the relative safety of the bedrooms.

Jigglypuff whipped out her microphone and began to sing. Unfortunately, it only made the angry Pokemon even angrier. It picker her up in its teeth and threw her out a nearby window.

"JIGGLY!" Jigglypuff cried. She slowly floated down to the courtyard, where Yoshi and Ness where playing baseball. She sat and watched them for a while.

Suddenly several shards of ice flew out at her, narrowly missing her face. She looked over at the source.

"HAPPY! HAPPY! HAPPY! HAPPY! HAPPY!" the Ice Climbers shouted as they spread ice before them. Ness and Yoshi quickly ran to the other side of the Manor.

"What did I tell you about playing with ice?" Fox yelled after them. He began to give chase, but slid and fell over on the ice. "Get back here, NOW!"

"We have to spread our love to the entire world!" Popo exclaimed. "It is our mission! We will not fail the Excit-o-matic!" The two continued running off toward the Hyrule portal.

* * *

That night, the non-competing Smashers gathered in the auditorium. All, that is, except for the Ice Climbers, who were off owning some Stalfos.

Mario stepped in front of the stage curtain. "My friends-a and my enemies," he said, taking great care to smirk at Ness, "I am-a proud to present-a this production to you all-a…_Italians!"_

Peach clapped enthusiastically while everyone else groaned.

"Ahem…raise the curtain, Luigi!"

The curtain rose, and Dr. Mario stepped onstage, wearing his usual outfit.

"Gee, who would have thought Dr. Mario would be playing a doctor?" Falco muttered.

"Ahem…" Dr. Mario began. "I am Dr. Mario. Pleased to make your acquaintance." He stretched his hand out to Mario, who frowned.

"That's-a not your line," he said.

"I know, but you never gave me a script," Dr. Mario responded.

Luigi leaned over the balcony. "You never told me what to do either," he called. "When am I supposed to spit the Boos out?"

"This is pathetic," Fox grumbled.

"Alas, my secret is out-a," Mario said. "You two do not have any parts-a. This show is…MY OWN-A!" He began to giggle evilly.

"You demon!" Luigi cried. He shifted to Missile Mode and launched himself into his brother just as Dr. Mario electrocuted him. The red/clad plumber shot far off into the distance, eventually crash-landing into a wayward Bullet Bill.

Link leaned back. "That was a great show!" he said. "Can you do it again tomorrow?"

* * *

Mewtwo slipped into the hangar after midnight. _Surely no one is watching_, he thought to himself. _Besides, it's not like I'll be unsuccessful with my new Toaster Powers._ He took a deep breath and approached Amelia's container.

She awoke as he approached her. "Yes, Mewtwo?" she asked. "You're heart rate is abnormally high. Do you require first aid?"

Mewtwo choked. "N-no, I'm fine," he said. "I was just wondering something."

"Yes?" she asked.

Mewtwo ran over the list of things he was supposed to do again. Unfortunately, all that was coming to him was "wing it".

"I was wondering if, perhaps, you might…maybe…court me?"

Amelia's head tilted slightly. "I am unfamiliar with the concept of a living creature being involved with an android," she said. "However, I am willing to 'give it a shot' as Young Link has said."

Mewtwo restrained his urge to do a victory dance. "Yes…thank you Amelia." He nodded to her.

"You are welcome, Mewtwo. Please, return soon so we can discuss this further." She returned to her container and began to rest again.

Mewtwo floated back out, occasionally stopping to spin around and make squeaking noises.

* * *

"I already said no," Zelda growled.

"Please? Just this once?" Captain Falcon begged. He reached over and plucked some lilies off of a nearby bush. "I even brought roses!" he said.

Zelda squeezed her eyes shut. "You are the most pathetic, hopeless, disgusting idiot I have ever laid my eyes on! I hope you fall down a hole and break your legs and don't get rescued until the ants have eaten your police badge!" She spun around and stomped off to her room.

Captain Falcon looked down at the plastic badge he had gotten from his multiplication tutor last year. "That was so mean," he whimpered. He turned around and began to walk back inside. As he walked, he fell through a hidden hole in the ground and landed in a large ant pile at the bottom. The ants rushed out, grabbed his badge, and began to feed on it.

"Whoa…she's _psychic!_" the bounty hunter exclaimed. He then vowed that he would not hit on another psychic for the rest of the week.

* * *

Samus walked around the LCHH, not really sure where she was going. Every now and then she would pass someone else's room and listen in.

Marth had thrown a fit. "I was on the verge of a breakthrough before you interrupted me!" he shouted. "Now I'll never remember who that bandit ringleader was!" He kicked her out of the room and locked the door.

Kirby had been amiable enough…but he was also in the middle of eating the leftovers from the buffet. Samus shook her head and walked past.

Mewtwo had been rehearsing his lines for that night, when he would approach Amelia again. Naturally, he was very upset with Samus and threatened to replace the oxygen in her air tanks with carbon monoxide.

Young Link was busy looking through Link's diary and laughing maniacally at the angry references to the "Satanic child" that was frequently mentioned.

Finally, she made her way to Ganondorf's room. She walked inside and sat down in his Official Reading Chair.

He wasn't in his room. Or anyone else's. Or anywhere in the house that she had been…and she had been everywhere.

"Where is he?" she asked.

* * *

The Ice Climbers walked into Hyrule Temple and approached the Master Sword's pedestal. So far, they had frozen a couple hundred of the lands inhabitants, including several ugly fish creatures.

"YAY!" they cried as they entered. "A big place to freeze!" They quickly began to spin around in circles, freezing everything that they saw.

Suddenly Impa appeared! "Bad children!" she yelled. She then utilized her Uber Teleportation Powers to send them back to the Manor.

"Aww…" they sniffed.

* * *

Ganondorf stood on the roof of the LCHH. He was trying to perform a complex spell that would prevent aging, but was unsure how to proceed from where he was.

"It says to jump up and down…" he murmured to himself. "But does that mean to jump…or hop…or skip…or prance?" He furrowed his brow. "I wonder…"

Suddenly, a powerful force struck him in the back, He stumbled forward and fell off the roof. As he landed, his body disappeared in the usual manner.

* * *

Another chapter down.

Valete!


	22. The World's Worst Ghost Stories

Okay…there's going to be some pretty heavy use of various Nintendo games…so I do not own Kirby, Kirby games, Fire Emblem, The Legend of Zelda, Pokemon, Metroid, or anything else that can be linked to Nintendo. Have a nice flight!

The five remaining Smashers sat around a campfire they had started in the arcade. At nine o'clock, Samus asked if they wanted to roast some drumsticks.

"…What?" Marth asked.

"FOOD!" Kirby screeched. He flew out of the room and immediately reappeared with a carton of chicken meat in it.

"You heard me," Samus said. "It's a Flenplacklian tradition. You spear chicken meat on a stick and hold it over a campfire.

"Remind me never to visit Flenplackle," Mewtwo muttered.

"Can't we roast marshmallows?" Young Link asked. "Or how about we make those chocolate sandwich thingies that Peach told us about?"

Kirby's face lit up even more. "MORE FOOD!" he cried. He flew back out and immediately reappeared with the contents of the pantry.

"That was easy," Marth said. He reached over, grabbed a chicken wing, and stuffed it in his mouth.

"You're supposed to cook it, you shmackenflefferbach!" Samus yelled. She charged the swordsman and rattled of a string of Flenplacklian curses. He sidestepped her rush, and she fell into the box of meat.

"Guys?" Young Link piped up. "How about we tell ghost stories? I think that would be fun!"

Mewtwo grinned evilly. "I have a very interesting one," he chuckled. "How about I go last?"

"Fine," Samus grumbled as she cleaned herself off. "Kirby, why don't you go first?"

Kirby sat down on a conveniently placed log and began his story.

* * *

"Once upon a time, there was a magical place called Dreamland. This place was famed for its amazing bakery, which was owned by Kirby. Kirby was a wonderful, benevolent ruler, who…yes, he was king, too! He just liked baking stuff. Okay, now that we've cleared that up, Kirby learned one day that an evil plot was arising. The dark lord of Nightmareland, Dictator Dedede, was going to use his Uber Duck Powerz to decimate all happiness! Kirby ran forth to stop him.

He entered the Plains of Perpetual Darkness. They were very dark. And there were lots and lots of…ANTS! Naturally, Kirby was not afraid of anything, and he did not scream or flee. He continued forth to the evil Dictator Dedede and readied his Sword of Incredible Pwnage. What he didn't know…was that Dedede had a Sword of Incredible Anti-Pwnage! The two were locked in an epic battle, and Dedede finally managed to break Kirby's weapon. Our hero looked defeated, but then he used his amazing bond with nature to turn the ants against their master! Dedede was eaten alive, and then Kirby took his sword and used it to beat up other bad guys. The end."

* * *

Young Link cheered. "Yay! Happy ending!"

Marth snorted. "That was the most horrid excuse for a ghost story I've ever heard," he said. "There wasn't even a scary element to it."

Kirby glared at him. "What do you mean? Weren't you listening when I talked about it being dark and ant-filled?"

"Yes…" Marth replied. Kirby answered by inhaling a ketchup bottle and spitting it out. Marth parried it, and it shot into Young Link's stomach.

"I'll go next, if no one else wants to," Samus offered.

* * *

"Once upon a time, there was an evil dude named Ridley. Ridley was a fearsome dragon who terrorized helpless bunnies with his rocket launcher breath and amazing charge attack. One day, a brave young woman named Samus came and said that she would help them defeat the monster. She set out across the land to Ridley's Evil Fortress and entered.

Torches lined the hallways, but as soon as she stepped in they all blew out. She cautiously walked down the hall and used her Charge Beam to light her way. It was fortunate that she did, because there were several moldy cracks on the ground that could have easily given way under her rather low weight. Shut _up_, Young Link! Anyway, she ascended the Stairway of the Z-Axis and met the evil dragon – and just in time, too, for the monster was preparing to kill the chief of the Gerudo tribe. I said SHUT UP! Don't make me beat you! Kids today…Anyway, she fired her charge beam, Ridley's head exploded, and she married the noble Gerudo warrior. The end."

* * *

Mewtwo sighed.

"That was better," Marth said, "…but it still sucked."

Samus threw a pickle at him.

"I wanna go now!" Young Link yelled.

* * *

"The beautiful maiden stepped into the Temple of Darkness. She gingerly stepped forward, constantly readying herself to react if a trap was set off or a monster appeared. She entered the musty chamber and saw a large pit before her. She prepared herself, equipped…uh, I mean, put on her enchanted slippers and leapt across. The magic in them allowed her to hover for a short time, and she made it safely. She continued down, and was met with a statue. It shot laser beams out of it's eyes and its gaze followed her everywhere. She pulled a bomb out of her…uh, purse, and threw it. It exploded, utterly destroying the statue. She picked up the key in its remains, unlocked the door behind it, and rescued her sister. The end."

* * *

"That sucked," Mewtwo informed the boy.

"It wasn't that bad, really," Marth added. "At least it was kind of scary." He munched on a bag of potato chips.

"I think it's your turn," Samus said, pointing at the swordsman.

* * *

"Once upon a time there was a brilliant, suave, sophisticated prince who owned everything he saw. His name was Innes…okay, okay, his name was Ephraim! Geez…Anyway, he learned that one of the other empires of the continent had annihilated his archrival's…uh, I mean, his father's army. He cried like a small child and then ran to confront the evil Demon King, who was pwned by a certain awesome Sniper and his lovely but mentally deranged fiancée, Raquel. The end."

* * *

"Gee, I had no idea you liked Innes so much," Young Link commented.

"I can't believe you called her 'Raquel'…" Kirby added.

Samus finally lowered the dagger she had been holding at Marth's throat since he said that Innes owned. "Good boy," she said.

They all turned to Mewtwo.

* * *

"Once upon a time, there were four fools. The first one told a story where he was king. The second was a hero who defeated an evil monster. The third was thankfully not in his story. And, finally, the fourth worshipped an archer. But none of them knew what lay in store…for it was a full moon, and Mewtwo had gained the power to control fire!"

* * *

He began to cackle insanely and sprayed jets of flame everywhere. Samus and Young Link immediately fled, while Kirby stayed behind to rescue the food. Marth unsheathed his sword, hoping for an epic battle like he had fought with Roy. Unfortunately, Samus rushed back in and pulled the swordsman back out of the room.

"Fuahaha! Behold the power of PokeGods!" he cried. He engulfed the entire room in fire. After about ten minutes, he decided to lower the heat back to its normal level.

When the fire subsided, he lowered himself back down. As soon as his feet touched the floor, organ music began to play.

"What? How strange," he muttered to himself.

A violin began to play as well. It constantly emitted one loud, high-pitched note, much like in scary movies.

Mewtwo looked around, but saw nothing.

To add to the intense creepiness of the situation, little pink hearts began to drop from the ceiling. Mewtwo let out a shriek and fled.

As he ran from the room, he was hit in the head by one of Peach's frying pans. His head flew backward and he fell to the floor. The pan hit him once again, and he disappeared in the traditional smoky fashion.

* * *

Peach and Captain Falcon sat in the television room, watching the latest episode of _The Amazing Survivor Brother Bachelor and the Geek_. Suddenly, Peach shot up.

"My frying pans have been desecrated!" she yelled. She then began to sob ferociously. Captain Falcon decided to hit on her, which resulted in him getting a kick to both of his brains.

* * *

Yeah, that was pretty random. But, then again, that's the point, yes? In case anyone is curious, Young Link's story takes place in the Shadow Temple (or a very small version of the Shadow Temple, anyway).

See you next update!


	23. Hot Archers Versus Generic Opponents

Wow…only two significant weeks of school left. For me, anyway. And that's not including finals, because finals are half days and don't involve learning.

Here is chapter 23!

I don't own _Rat Race_, of course. Or Fire Emblem. XD

* * *

Young Link slowly walked through the mansion, trying to avoid Samus. He had lifted one of her suits to equip on Amelia, and things hadn't gone well from there…

"WHERE ARE YOU, YOU LITTLE BRAT?" Samus shrieked from the dining room. He shuddered and made a run for Captain Falcon and Ganondorf's room, hoping that she would be to repulsed by the lingering Captain Falcon smell to get anywhere near it. Unfortunately for him, he was unable, to stomach the odor either, and had to try Marth and Roy's room instead.

"_What_ are you doing here?" Marth asked scornfully. "I believe the kiddie pool is in the simulated courtyard."

"Samus is trying to kill me" Young Link whispered. Marth's eyes widened.

"Well, why are you dragging me into it? Get away!" the prince squealed. He hurled Young Link out of the room and slammed the door.

"Don't think I've giving you my leftovers tonight!" Young Link yelled through the door. He then turned and came face-to-face with a very angry bounty hunter.

"What a wonderfully perfect opportunity to test out my new Blonde-Away!" Samus said with a sugar-coated grin plastered on her face. She raised her arm cannon and fired at Young Link.

As it turned out, the Blonde-Away Beam had a large splash radius, and hit both of the light-haired Smashers. A dense black fog surrounded the two for several seconds.

Marth opened his door and peeked outside. He saw Samus and Young Link lying on the ground, with the new feature of blue skin.

"Coooool," he said.

* * *

Fox and DK were trying to pry two combating Smashers apart.

"I'm good!" Dr. Mario called as he strained to pull out a Megavitamin to throw at Mario.

"I'm better-a!" Mario retorted, clutching at his cape.

"I'm best!" Dr. Mario exclaimed. He grabbed his stethoscope and whacked Fox with it.

"I'm bester!" Mario cackled. He shoved his feet into DK's torso and flew at Dr. Mario.

"Yo momma's bester!" Dr. Mario yelled.

The two collided and a gray cloud surrounded them, occasionally ejecting lightning bolts and flames. When it subsided, the two Italians lay exhausted on the floor.

Captain Falcon suddenly ran in. "You are both under arrest for causing a public disturbance!" he shouted as he whipped out a brand new police badge.

Suddenly Tracy from _Rat Race_ crashed through the dining room wall in a Flying Fortress of Doom 2007 from Mewtwo's Black Market Incorporated! She charged at Captain Falcon and screamed obscenities at him while shooting seven machine guns at once. Captain Falcon screamed and ran through a nearby door.

"Doesn't that go to the Oil Tank Room?" Fox asked.

"Me no know," DK answered. "Too many rooms with no point."

"I like pointless rooms!" Dr. Mario said as he pushed himself up. He then tackled Mario and began to whack him with his mallet.

Tracy suddenly returned, looking content. "that was fun!" she called to the Smashers. "I got to blow him up five times before he ran into the basement!" She waved and flew off into the distance.

DK grunted. "Lucky."

* * *

Kirby floated into the hangar and began to seach methodically for a wrench to take the sink disposal apart.

"Who is it?" Amelia called. Kirby turned around and saw her standing next to her box, looking rather dejected.

"Hi, Amelia!" he called. "What's going on?"

"I am sad. Mewtwo has died, and I will not see him again for a long time." She turned to Kirby. "Is this typical of robots?"

"Uh…" Kirby thought for a second. "Well, lots of times robots are able to overcome their natures and gain souls. That happens a lot, actually, especially with morphs, although they aren't exactly the same as robots."

Suddenly the legion of morphs from the Manor appeared! "Damn. Right." They said in chorus. They teleported away, leaving a very confused puffball and a less confused cyberchick.

"This is good," Amelia said. "I feel more human now. Perhaps I can become like a Pokemon as well."

Kirby hesitated. "Uh, sure. But you might want to ask Young Link to give you a tail or something."

Amelia looked at him. "Thank you, Kirby. Would you like a cherry pie?" Her abdomen opened, revealing a very delicious looking cherry pie.

"Hey, your food dispenser works!" Kirby cheered. He inhaled the pie and grinned.

"Aww…" Master Hand grabbed a tissue and then realized that he doesn't have eyes.

* * *

The four remaining Smashers sat around the dining room table. Marth occasionally looked up from his meal to stare at Samus and Young Link, who looked very unhappy with their blue bodies.

"This is your fault, you know," Young Link said.

"_My_ fault? You're the one who stole my Gravity Suit!" Samus snarled.

"You're the one who's too stupid to remember her own hair color!" Young Link yelled back. "And you call yourself FEMALE!"

Samus grabbed a pineapple off of her plate and threw it at Young Link. He dodged, grabbed a ketchup bottle, and sprayed it on Samus.

"Guys, no!" Kirby yelled. "You're wasting food that I could be eating!" He quickly flew over to Samus' plate and began inhaling everything on it. She picked him up and threw him at Young Link instead. Young Link flew back in his chair and hit his head on the pineapple.

"…wow." Marth muttered as he ate his pizza.

* * *

Peach and Zelda sat in the ballroom once again. Peach was laying flat on the ground and wearing a blissful smile.

"JOY!" Peach cried out.

Falco poked hi head in and stared at Peach. "What's going on?" he asked Zelda.

"I had to give her one of Jigglypuff's happy pills," Zelda explained. "She was really upset about the "defacement of all things culinary'…"

Falco looked at her skeptically. "One?"

Zelda rolled her eyes. "Okay, five. She was going ballistic!"

"HAPPY!" Peach yelled. She folded her arms and began to roll around.

"…I'm leaving now," Falco said as he turned around.

* * *

Roy and Link sat in an Arena near the Manor, watching gladiator battles.

"I miss Marth," Roy said, wiping his eyes. "I can hardly remember the radians that his arms moves when he uses his left jab."

Link looked at Roy. "You're weird." He then turned his attention back to the fight, where a monk with an orange afro had just annihilated a paladin.

"Jiggly!" Jigglypuff cheered as she returned with some steaks. "Jiggly jiggly Jigglypuff!"

"I think the cute archer's up next," Link said.

"Which one? The green haired one, or the one who started crying halfway through the fight?"

"Jiggly," Jigglypuff said. She pointed to the scoreboard.

REBECCA VS. GENERIC SAGE

"Why are all these guys named Generic?" Roy asked.

"Because they're generic, I guess," Link responded.

The two combatants walked onto the field. The sage shot Rexbolt at Rebecca, who dodged and fired seven arrows into the sage's nose. She turned to the crowd, curtsied, and then walked back into the building.

"Archers are so hot," Link said.

"Yep," Roy agreed.

* * *

Young Link sat in his room, trying to find some way to counteract the blueness of Samus' Blonde-Away Beam.

"This is ridiculous!" he shouted. "Why did she have to do that?" He scrubbed at his chin with a washcloth, but to no avail.

"Young."

He turned around and saw Amelia standing in the doorway. She looked pretty out of it.

"Link."

She began to walk toward him. He put his washcloth down and sat on the counter. "What's up, Amelia?" he asked.

"Time. To. Go." She took two more steps toward him.

"…Did you get drunk?" Young Link asked. "even though that isn't technically possible?"

Amelia grabbed his shoulders. "It is. Time. To go."

She exploded.

* * *

Mewtwo sat in the Technical Room, trying to build an improved version of the Blonde-Away Beam. As he worked, a strange mist appeared nearby.

"What?" he grunted at the cloud. He used his psychic powers to shift the water particles away from the center. They moved away obediently, revealing Amelia and Young Link in the center.

"She killed me!" Young Link screamed. "My own robot killed me!" He slapped his forehead. "I should have made an anti-corruption device!"

Mewtwo floated over to Amelia and hugged her. "It is good to see you once again," he said.

"I am glad to see you too, Mewtwo." Amelia said.

Young Link sighed. "Well, at least my work on her didn't go to waste." He walked out the door and searched for Ness.

* * *

And Young Link & Amelia are gone! Now all that's left are Kirby, Marth, and Samus…who will win?

…Bye.


	24. The Psycho Killer

I'm ba-a-ack…and I bring to you the DRAMATIC CLIMAX!

I'm not sure if I have to put this here or not…but I don't own Nyquil. Or _Rat Race,_ as I'm sure you've heard. XD

* * *

The three finalists sat together in the Dining Room. Marth was staring at Kirby, who was staring at Samus, who was staring at Marth. Every five seconds they would switch their gazes simultaneously.

"…" Marth said.

"…" Samus said.

"…uh…Do you guys want something to drink?" Kirby ventured.

"…" Marth responded.

Kirby sat back in his chair and continued to look around at the others.

* * *

The other Smashers gathered in the Swishy Pool That Shows You Whatever You Want to See Room, and were watching the finalists from above.

"It's _so_ Kirby," Roy said.

"You're just saying that to defend Marth," Falco snorted.

"You are both gullible fools who fail to recognize that it was the blue skinned one and NOT the blue haired or blue-tinted one," Mewtwo growled.

"I agree wholeheartedly with Mewtwo," Amelia added.

"You don't even _have_ a heart!" Fox yelled.

All of the Smashers began to growl at each other. Finally, after about five minutes, Peach turned and looked back down in the Pool That Shows You Whatever You Want to See.

"Guys, look!" she screamed. "Kirby's going for a gun!"

"That's pocky." Link said.

"…Oh." Peach blushed and began to dust her sleeves off.

They watched for another thirty minutes (and got into five more fight in the meantime) before things got interesting.

* * *

The three finalists continued to stare uneasily at each other. Kirby tried to break the mood once again with a loud, off-key rendition of "Haunted", but stopped when Samus shot a missile at him.

"…Well…" Marth began. "I guess it's time for us to go to sleep."

"Should we sleep in the same room, or at three opposite section of the house?" Samus asked.

"Maybe we should just wander off in completely random directions until we find a suitable place and then we can sleep there," Kirby said.

"Sounds good," Marth responded. "I'm leaving now. And, I must warn you two…if the killer attacks me, he or she is going to die a most painful not-really-death…" He stood up and silently walked out of the room.

"Well….goodnight." Kirby tore out of the room.

Samus waited a few minutes and then walked out.

* * *

The eliminated Smashers had divided the SPTSYWYWS into three sections so that they could monitor all three finalists at once. Captain Falcon was, of course, watching Samus in hopes that she would admit her undying love and/or lust for him while she was alone.

"Come on, Sammy…tell me that you love me!" he cooed. "Tell me that you are incredibly obsessed with my amazing physique and charming personality!"

Ganondorf stared at him. "Could you be more oblivious?" he said sarcastically.

"…Huh?" Captain Falcon asked.

Ganondorf punched him in the face, and then continued watching Samus in peace.

"What's up?" Ness asked as he walked over from Marth's section.

"Nothing," Ganondorf answered. "She's sleeping, I think."

"That's not good…" Ness said. "What if the killer decides to -"

His thought was finished for him as Kirby walked in. The puffball transformed into a Zelda copy and began to chant. Within seconds, the ceiling had collapsed on the bounty huntress.

"…whoa." Ganondorf said. "Kirby's the killer?"

Samus suddenly appeared next to them. "Ow…" she moaned.

"OMG! OMG! OMG! Kirby's the killer!" Nana screeched.

Everyone stood around the pool as it switched to show Kirby.

* * *

Marth rolled around on the floor of the hangar, trying to stay awake. He knew that the killer would come for him at some point, and he knew he had to stay awake.

"Gah…why did I take that Nyquil?" he moaned. "I should have known better…"

He sat up and began rubbing his head. As he did, he heard a soft pattering. He stood up and unsheathed Falchion.

Kirby leapt out from the shadows wearing a Crazy Hand Hat. "Boo!" he cackled as he shot a barrage of rockets from his mouth. Marth leapt to the side and managed to escape being blown to small pieces.

"You'll never take me!" Marth yelled in an attempt at sounding heroic and masculine. He charged at Kirby and slashed upward with his sword.

"I want the statue!" Kirby yelled. "I will stop at NOTHING to have the statue! Think of all the chocolate!" He continued cackling as he created an earthquake.

"What do you mean, chocolate?" Marth yelled back. "He didn't say anything about chocolate!"

Kirby grinned evilly. "He told _me_."

Marth took the opportunity to plow his sword through Kirby. Kirby vanished in a puff of smoke, and Marth followed soon after.

* * *

When they arrived, they found themselves surrounded by the other Smashers.

"WE'RE GOING TO KILL YOU, KIRBY!" All the humans shouted.

"Ditto!" Fox and Falco said.

"JIGGLY!" Jigglypuff screeched.

Marth leapt out of the way as the other Smashers began to pummel Kirby.

* * *

The Smashers gathered outside of the Manor the next morning. Peach had convinced Marth to dress up in a tuxedo, and managed to get Bowser in a shiny golden shell.

"CONGRATULATIONS, MARTH!" Crazy Hand yelled. "YOU ARE THE WINNER OF THE LARGE CREEPY HAUNTED CONTEST! DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY TO THE CROWD?"

"…There's no one here." Marth said.

"…THAT'S RIGHT! ARE YOU READY TO ACCEPT YOUR REWARD?"

Marth sighed. "Yeah, yeah, whatever. Kirby's going to eat it, anyway." He gestured toward Kirby, who smiled from underneath several bandages.

"EXCELLENT! HERE IT IS!"

A helicopter arrived, carrying a very large, very detailed, and VERY chocolate statue of Marth. The Smashers and Crazy Hand cheered, while Master Hand sat and watched in boredom.

* * *

(Ending One)

Marth watched the helicopter as it flew overhead. His eyes widened as he saw who was behind the wheel.

"Hi, everyone!" Daisy called. She waved at them from the cockpit and blew kisses at Luigi. He promptly fainted.

"What? When did she learn how to fly a helicopter?" Fox yelled.

"My thoughts exactly…" Marth said slowly.

Daisy sat back in the cockpit and began pressing random buttons. At first things were going well, until she saw a panel filled with red buttons that said "Do not press"

"Ooh…forbidden buttons…" she cooed. She pressed them all at the same time.

The wire holding the chocolate statue broke. It hovered in the air for a moment, and then fell down, landing on all the Smashers.

Master Hand laughed maniacally.

(Ending Two)

* * *

Marth watched the helicopter as it flew overhead. His eyes widened as he saw who was behind the wheel.

"Hi, everyone!" Tracy called. She smiled at them as she lowered the chocolate statue onto a large, ornate pedestal that said "Marth the Effeminate". Captain Falcon took the opening to run very, very far away.

"THREE CHEERS FOR MARTH! THREE CHEERS FOR MARTH!" Crazy Hand cheered.

"Why do they say 'Three Cheers' anyway?" Ness asked. "Whatever."

Jigglypuff hopped on top of the pedestal in front of the statue. "Jiggly Jiggly Jigglypuff!" she addressed them cheerfully.

"She wants to sing for us…" Mewtwo warned them.

"Eh, I could use a good nap," Zelda sad, smiling. "Go ahead, Jigglypuff!"

Jigglypuff began to break out into song, putting all of the Smashers into a sleep filled with dreams of chocolate chip cookies.

* * *

So…that's it! The story's over…I hope you all liked it! As most of you probably know, I'm going to write a sequel, so stay tuned!

Bye, everybody!


End file.
